Kate Upton. Because who wants to see another picture of Antonin Scalia?
Political traffic is picking up at the Des Moines International Airport and Joe Redstate's cell phone has been ringing as Republican Presidential hopefuls seek his advice on navigating their way through Iowa's first-in-the-nation caucuses. As a Republican candidate myself, I wanted to get Joe in my corner, but when I called him, he was in an ugly humor.
"The Supreme Court," he answered when I asked what was making him so moody. "It's a one-two sucker punch from them right on the chin of the Republican party with Obamacare still being legal and gay marriage starting to be. I agree with Mike Huckabee—it's tyranny."
Joe, most people think tyranny is the secret police knocking down doors in the middle of the night or herding people into concentration camps. Obamacare was passed by Congress, signed by the President, and upheld twice by the Supreme Court. That sounds a lot like how the government is supposed to work.
"Until the Court unleashed its tyrannical forces by not giving Republicans what they wanted. We'll get ours yet, though—you heard Ted Cruz saying Supreme Court Justices should have to stand for election in the future. And another guy who's running—the one whose name I always forget..."
Bobby Jindal?
"Yeah, him. He said we ought to abolish the Supreme Court entirely.
I thought Republicans loved the Constitution, Joe. The Supreme Court was established by the Constitution, so getting rid of it would be unconstitutional, I think. I thought Ted especially was a Constitutional scholar and a strict constructionist. Electing Supreme Court justices is definitely not something the Founding Fathers had in mind.
"When the Justices you were counting on start letting you down, constructionism gets a lot less strict, bud. There's a hole in Republican hearts where our love for the Constitution used to be. It's time to get up under the Supremes' robes and light a fire there is what we Republicans think."
Interesting metaphor, Joe. The same Supreme Court was making the GOP happy, though,
when they decided corporations are people and could give as much money as they wanted to political campaigns, letting the Koch brothers buy all the politicians they want, and when they ruled that pretty much everybody should be allowed to own a gun.
"That's when they were not being tyrannical. And lawless—don't forget lawless. Ted said that about them, too."
Yeah, that puzzled me, Joe. Saying the Supreme Court is lawless is like saying Kate Upton is curve-less. It's kind of difficult to get your head around the idea.
"Well, Ted was mad. We all are. What's the point of winning elections and appointing Supreme Court justices if they all start thinking about what's fair and right instead of just following our lead? What kind of country are we bequeathing our kids if that happens?"
A heat-packing, gay marrying country where both politicians and health insurance are affordable, I guess. We'll just have to live there.
"Not if we win the next election, pal. We're going to crank that clock right back. And it's going our way. Just today I heard from four new grass-roots pro-Republican groups, Mexican-Americans for Trump, Atheists for Huckabee, Iraqi War Veterans for Bush and People Stuck in Traffic for Chris Christie."
Wow, that is an impressive upsurge in support.
"Actually, they were all the same guy. Dude is just a genius at putting together a Facebook page."
"The Supreme Court," he answered when I asked what was making him so moody. "It's a one-two sucker punch from them right on the chin of the Republican party with Obamacare still being legal and gay marriage starting to be. I agree with Mike Huckabee—it's tyranny."
Joe, most people think tyranny is the secret police knocking down doors in the middle of the night or herding people into concentration camps. Obamacare was passed by Congress, signed by the President, and upheld twice by the Supreme Court. That sounds a lot like how the government is supposed to work.
"Until the Court unleashed its tyrannical forces by not giving Republicans what they wanted. We'll get ours yet, though—you heard Ted Cruz saying Supreme Court Justices should have to stand for election in the future. And another guy who's running—the one whose name I always forget..."
Bobby Jindal?
"Yeah, him. He said we ought to abolish the Supreme Court entirely.
I thought Republicans loved the Constitution, Joe. The Supreme Court was established by the Constitution, so getting rid of it would be unconstitutional, I think. I thought Ted especially was a Constitutional scholar and a strict constructionist. Electing Supreme Court justices is definitely not something the Founding Fathers had in mind.
"When the Justices you were counting on start letting you down, constructionism gets a lot less strict, bud. There's a hole in Republican hearts where our love for the Constitution used to be. It's time to get up under the Supremes' robes and light a fire there is what we Republicans think."
Interesting metaphor, Joe. The same Supreme Court was making the GOP happy, though,
when they decided corporations are people and could give as much money as they wanted to political campaigns, letting the Koch brothers buy all the politicians they want, and when they ruled that pretty much everybody should be allowed to own a gun.
"That's when they were not being tyrannical. And lawless—don't forget lawless. Ted said that about them, too."
Yeah, that puzzled me, Joe. Saying the Supreme Court is lawless is like saying Kate Upton is curve-less. It's kind of difficult to get your head around the idea.
"Well, Ted was mad. We all are. What's the point of winning elections and appointing Supreme Court justices if they all start thinking about what's fair and right instead of just following our lead? What kind of country are we bequeathing our kids if that happens?"
A heat-packing, gay marrying country where both politicians and health insurance are affordable, I guess. We'll just have to live there.
"Not if we win the next election, pal. We're going to crank that clock right back. And it's going our way. Just today I heard from four new grass-roots pro-Republican groups, Mexican-Americans for Trump, Atheists for Huckabee, Iraqi War Veterans for Bush and People Stuck in Traffic for Chris Christie."
Wow, that is an impressive upsurge in support.
"Actually, they were all the same guy. Dude is just a genius at putting together a Facebook page."
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