During the recent controversy over Presidential candidate Rick Perry's family's ownership of a hunting camp in Texas that apparently advertised itself by a rock out front with the word "N-word Head" painted on it, a defender of the Governor against his critics' charges of racial insensitivity said that Perry "doesn't have a racist bone in his body."
The Governor said the offensive word was painted over by his father in the early eighties (although by then, of course, the governor was well old enough to paint over his own rocks). Some critics said the overpainting occurred much later, after the Guv's political career was well underway. It's not a point that's likely to be proved one way or the other.
The word painted on the rock has been referred to in several stories as the name of the camp. This is a mistake that could only be made by non-hunters. The average hunting camp could be described as a drinking camp with equal accuracy. Having a flask of whiskey in one's pocket seems small enough reward for sitting in a freezing duck blind before the sun comes up and when the day's hunt, successful or not, is finished, celebratory or consolatory consumption of alcohol can begin in earnest. The rule of binge-drinking among males around a campfire is simple; the object of the exercise is to raise one's blood alcohol to the age at which one lost his virginity, preceded by a decimal point. Some drinkers can stop at .13 or .14, but most are going to be .17 or above and the truly socially awkward are not going to be able to stop until their BAC is in the point-twenties.
When getting this drunk with guns, the urge to fire them again, by way of either demonstrating success or excusing failure, can be overwhelming. No dumb animal is quite dumb enough to approach a campfire ringed by drunken humans with rifles, so a consolation target is needed. Political incorrectness also rises in direct proportion to spirits consumption, so a rock with N-word Head painted on it is a perfect target for a bunch of non-minority, heat-packing males deep in their cups. I am certain the rock is still pocked with bullet-holes, painted over or not.
Whether or not the Governor has a racist bone in his body as a result of being in the presence of that rock I can't say, although certain thinkers hold that everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes. The concept of a racist bone implies two things: First, you can have more than one of them and second, it's not limited to a particular unit of the skeletal system.
For example, a person could have his or her racist bone in the tiny bones of the inner ear. This results in them being annoyed when they hear Para continuar en español, pulse dos when they call the electric company, or when they are accidentally exposed to rap music.
A racist bone located in the feet means you are one of those people who move to the other side of the street when you see a minority male approaching you on the sidewalk.
The racist bone can be the same as the funny bone, sometimes called the humorous. This is the case with people who only tell jokes after they look around quickly to make sure no members of the group being joked about are within earshot.
When an individual's racist bone is next to the liver, it means he or she is smart enough to conceal their true opinion of other ethnic groups unless they are drunk, like Mel Gibson or Katt Williams.
A racist bone located in the finger is especially useful for drivers, both those who think that Asians can't drive and wish to express that opinion non-verbally and also for those who instinctively lock their doors when passing through the 'hood. Graffiti artists and guys who bring magic markers into bathroom stalls often have their racist bones located in their digits as well.
The most common location for the racist bone is between the brain and the palate. This bony mass is often quite extensive, capable of interfering with the brain's desire to modulate speech before racially-tinged utterances are made, rather than being forced afterwards to apologize for them. Public figures are especially susceptible to this condition.
There are people, of course, who are racist in every bone and therefore the opposite of Governor Perry. They used to think he was their kind of guy. He had all the right credentials. He's presided over 241 executions, included one of a man who was nearly unquestionably innocent. He smiled when they booed a gay American serviceman at a Tea Party debate. He didn't object when theycalled for the death of a hypothetical uninsured individual at the same event. They've turned their back on Perry now, though, after they found out he wanted to let children brought to this country by illegal parents go to college at Texas rates, and that he doesn't want to build a fence across the entire southern border to keep Mexicans out. He uttered the phrase "Have a heart," when referring to illegal immigrants and now his chance of being the Republican nominee for President has nearly vanished.
Too late, Rick Perry has found out it's not about the heart. It's about the bone.
The Governor said the offensive word was painted over by his father in the early eighties (although by then, of course, the governor was well old enough to paint over his own rocks). Some critics said the overpainting occurred much later, after the Guv's political career was well underway. It's not a point that's likely to be proved one way or the other.
The word painted on the rock has been referred to in several stories as the name of the camp. This is a mistake that could only be made by non-hunters. The average hunting camp could be described as a drinking camp with equal accuracy. Having a flask of whiskey in one's pocket seems small enough reward for sitting in a freezing duck blind before the sun comes up and when the day's hunt, successful or not, is finished, celebratory or consolatory consumption of alcohol can begin in earnest. The rule of binge-drinking among males around a campfire is simple; the object of the exercise is to raise one's blood alcohol to the age at which one lost his virginity, preceded by a decimal point. Some drinkers can stop at .13 or .14, but most are going to be .17 or above and the truly socially awkward are not going to be able to stop until their BAC is in the point-twenties.
When getting this drunk with guns, the urge to fire them again, by way of either demonstrating success or excusing failure, can be overwhelming. No dumb animal is quite dumb enough to approach a campfire ringed by drunken humans with rifles, so a consolation target is needed. Political incorrectness also rises in direct proportion to spirits consumption, so a rock with N-word Head painted on it is a perfect target for a bunch of non-minority, heat-packing males deep in their cups. I am certain the rock is still pocked with bullet-holes, painted over or not.
Whether or not the Governor has a racist bone in his body as a result of being in the presence of that rock I can't say, although certain thinkers hold that everyone's a little bit racist, sometimes. The concept of a racist bone implies two things: First, you can have more than one of them and second, it's not limited to a particular unit of the skeletal system.
For example, a person could have his or her racist bone in the tiny bones of the inner ear. This results in them being annoyed when they hear Para continuar en español, pulse dos when they call the electric company, or when they are accidentally exposed to rap music.
A racist bone located in the feet means you are one of those people who move to the other side of the street when you see a minority male approaching you on the sidewalk.
The racist bone can be the same as the funny bone, sometimes called the humorous. This is the case with people who only tell jokes after they look around quickly to make sure no members of the group being joked about are within earshot.
When an individual's racist bone is next to the liver, it means he or she is smart enough to conceal their true opinion of other ethnic groups unless they are drunk, like Mel Gibson or Katt Williams.
A racist bone located in the finger is especially useful for drivers, both those who think that Asians can't drive and wish to express that opinion non-verbally and also for those who instinctively lock their doors when passing through the 'hood. Graffiti artists and guys who bring magic markers into bathroom stalls often have their racist bones located in their digits as well.
The most common location for the racist bone is between the brain and the palate. This bony mass is often quite extensive, capable of interfering with the brain's desire to modulate speech before racially-tinged utterances are made, rather than being forced afterwards to apologize for them. Public figures are especially susceptible to this condition.
There are people, of course, who are racist in every bone and therefore the opposite of Governor Perry. They used to think he was their kind of guy. He had all the right credentials. He's presided over 241 executions, included one of a man who was nearly unquestionably innocent. He smiled when they booed a gay American serviceman at a Tea Party debate. He didn't object when theycalled for the death of a hypothetical uninsured individual at the same event. They've turned their back on Perry now, though, after they found out he wanted to let children brought to this country by illegal parents go to college at Texas rates, and that he doesn't want to build a fence across the entire southern border to keep Mexicans out. He uttered the phrase "Have a heart," when referring to illegal immigrants and now his chance of being the Republican nominee for President has nearly vanished.
Too late, Rick Perry has found out it's not about the heart. It's about the bone.
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