Ted Nugent palling around with another draft dodger Despite a few hiccups, like not really damaging anything with 59 Tomahawks in Syria or being able to keep track of where carrier groups are exactly located, there's little doubt that there's a new attitude in Washington, an attitude of "Don't f*ck with us, or we'll f*uck with you. If the Chinese and the Russians let us, of course."
It's a whole new game, and when Americans say "Who da playuhs?" the people below shout "We da playuhs!"
It's a whole new game, and when Americans say "Who da playuhs?" the people below shout "We da playuhs!"
Mike Pence—The Consigliere. #2 is the man to send to the front lines. The cold stare that promises mayhem is a Pence trademark, and no doubt Jong un was coughing up his kimchee when he saw Pence glaring across the DMZ. Where does he get that threatening mien? “He’s thinking about women getting free birth control,” confided one of his aides.
“Rambling” Rex Tillerson –He goes here, he goes there, but the press isn’t allowed to follow him anywhere, so it’s tough to say exactly what he’s doing. But he’s perhaps the head architect of the Trump foreign policy, eloquently described by a neutral observer as “Not telling other nations what we want, and not telling them what we’re going to do if they don’t give it to us.”
Jared “Inside Man” Kushner—Don’t let this young international stud fool you by his propensity to take skiing vacations in the midst of crises. He just made former hardass Steve Bannon his pocket lint in the latest White House power struggle. Charged with solving the centuries-old conflict on the Middle East, and questioned on how he plans to succeed, Kushner replied, “Piece of beautiful cake. Once you’ve navigated quagmires such as I have, like being born to immense personal wealth, then settling on the one person whose ass you’d like to kiss for the rest of your life, then marrying his daughter, the Middle East doesn’t look like such a labyrinth.”
Ivanka “Purse Designer” Trump—Never underestimate this femme fatale. Some critics say all she's done for international diplomacy is compare cup sizes with Angela Merkel, but when the other members of the inside circle talk big about things like cutting the cajones off Mexico and making damn well certain an entertaining change of climate is coming our way, she’s always getting what she wants. Which are trademark deals with the Chinese.
The President--El Jefe. The solid eye of the hard-assity hurricane, few have ever demonstrated his vision, although many have seen him sharing classified information along with some shrimp cocktails at his Mar a Lago Fortress and Golf Resort. The stream of threatening Tweets that burble out of his unsecured cell phone form the orders to which the others march. He claims credit for everything good, while avoiding blame for all evil. Who else succeeds in doing that? Oh, yeah, God. God gets away with that because he blames all problems on Satan, which can only lead this column to believe one thing:
Satan is God’s Obama.
Satan is God’s Obama.
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