Also, if you want to be tested for the virus, you can be tested. If you need to get tested, blame the fake news media for the fact that you can't.
We also know, by means of a shitty pun about “modeling,” that Trump has gotten a lot of gorgeous young ass in his lifetime, because bragging about that is what the Cantaloupe Dope regards as a shining moment of uplift he needs to share with the nation. Picture a Trump supporter fighting off the ravages of the virus:
TRUMP SUPPORTER: (wheeze) Y’all tell ‘em, Mr. President! We love you because you put the wood to all them supermodels! Obama never did that! That’s another reason he was the worst President ever! (fighting for breath) Gork!
Obama, of course, is the main reason we’re in this coronavirus mess, since he left Trump a bunch of “obsolete” coronavirus tests that were stuffed into some cabinet by the Deep State, and when Jared found them under a sheaf of Hillary’s lost emails, they were all stale. Obama was that kind of guy. Think of him saying, to Joe Biden, “Hey, Joe, tell you what we’ll do. Let’s have the CDC whip up a bunch of tests for a disease that doesn’t exist yet, and make sure they don’t work.”
And Biden replied, “Sure. Can Hunter make some money off of it?”
But the big news is—hydroxychloroquine! It’s going to save us all, plus the Dow Jones. This miracle drug stops coronavirus in its tracks. Maybe. What’s the harm in taking it? It was found to be an effective treatment by not the CDC, not the Mayo Clinic, not the University of Pennsylvania, but—you guessed it-Twitter!
Despite its endorsement by the President’s favorite medium, some people have doubts about hydroxychloroquine. It is mainly used to treat malaria, which is not caused by a virus, but a one-celled parasite called a plasmodium. Yeah, I Googled that for you. Using it on a virus is like seeing a rat in your yard and spraying it with RoundUp. Sure, the weed killer might slow it down. It might not. What you really want, though, is rat poison. Or, in the case of coronavirus, an antiviral.
But instead, because it’s hydroxychloroquine that makes Trump’s mushroom squirt, we’re spending all kinds of money on studies featuring it, instead of antivirals.
Because, you know, Twitter. Never been anything wrong on that.