In the gun news this month, Republicans in North Carolina have passed a bill encouraging teachers to be armed while teaching, and is even offering them a 5% pay raise if they undergo police training before strapping on a gat in the hallways of NC schools.
This, the Republicans reason, will prevent school shootings in North Carolina, although any self-respecting psychopath itching to shoot up a school will immediately know which teachers have guns (the gym teachers) and which teachers don’t (the English teachers) and plan his attack accordingly.
The North Carolina Association of Educators is against the bill, proving that even in a strong, pro-gun state like NC, educated people are liberal wusscakes. Maybe they’re thinking that even with lots of police training, police people accidentally shoot people, even other police people, all the time. An FBI agent, despite having the best Federal police training possible, accidentally shot up a disco last year because he was break-dancing while packing heat, for which he was roundly criticized, even though most Americans cannot even attempt to break dance without hurting themselves, and the FBI agent remained uninjured, although the same could not be said of everybody in the disco.
When teachers strap chillers, it’ll only be a matter of time before one of them accidentally discharges his or her gun, to little or no educational value. Sure, in calculus you could assign the bullet’s path as a math problem, and try to figure out exactly what angle it ricocheted off the tile to hit the new kid in the second row, or in biology to figure out which artery it hit to produce such massive bleeding, but in most classes it’s going to be nearly as disruptive as the proverbial active shooter himself.
In extracurricular activities, the coach of the 0-9 track team is not going to make his charges any faster when, jumping up and down in frustration at the school’s slowpokes, he accidentally shoots off a chunk of his hiney. In the chess club—well, never mind the chess club. They’re going to be okay, even though they are going to have to wait until they’re juniors in college to get laid.
In the meantime, until all the educators in its schools are armed and ready to re-enact the gunfight at the OK Corral anytime things get a bit heated in the teacher’s lounge, NC schools are doing what they can to prevent school shootings—running active shooter drills, in which students are encouraged to hide under the furniture if someone busts into the classroom and starts spraying hot lead. This assumes that bullets, even armor-piercing bullets, cannot penetrate school desktops. This makes sense, because desktops have probably gotten better since my generation used to hide under them to prevent being incinerated by nuclear blasts.
In the meantime, several generations between 1970 or so and 2010 or thereabouts, were publicly educated without being trained to hide under their desks at all. And they’re the people that are mostly in charge now.
Even though they’re wusscakes.
This, the Republicans reason, will prevent school shootings in North Carolina, although any self-respecting psychopath itching to shoot up a school will immediately know which teachers have guns (the gym teachers) and which teachers don’t (the English teachers) and plan his attack accordingly.
The North Carolina Association of Educators is against the bill, proving that even in a strong, pro-gun state like NC, educated people are liberal wusscakes. Maybe they’re thinking that even with lots of police training, police people accidentally shoot people, even other police people, all the time. An FBI agent, despite having the best Federal police training possible, accidentally shot up a disco last year because he was break-dancing while packing heat, for which he was roundly criticized, even though most Americans cannot even attempt to break dance without hurting themselves, and the FBI agent remained uninjured, although the same could not be said of everybody in the disco.
When teachers strap chillers, it’ll only be a matter of time before one of them accidentally discharges his or her gun, to little or no educational value. Sure, in calculus you could assign the bullet’s path as a math problem, and try to figure out exactly what angle it ricocheted off the tile to hit the new kid in the second row, or in biology to figure out which artery it hit to produce such massive bleeding, but in most classes it’s going to be nearly as disruptive as the proverbial active shooter himself.
In extracurricular activities, the coach of the 0-9 track team is not going to make his charges any faster when, jumping up and down in frustration at the school’s slowpokes, he accidentally shoots off a chunk of his hiney. In the chess club—well, never mind the chess club. They’re going to be okay, even though they are going to have to wait until they’re juniors in college to get laid.
In the meantime, until all the educators in its schools are armed and ready to re-enact the gunfight at the OK Corral anytime things get a bit heated in the teacher’s lounge, NC schools are doing what they can to prevent school shootings—running active shooter drills, in which students are encouraged to hide under the furniture if someone busts into the classroom and starts spraying hot lead. This assumes that bullets, even armor-piercing bullets, cannot penetrate school desktops. This makes sense, because desktops have probably gotten better since my generation used to hide under them to prevent being incinerated by nuclear blasts.
In the meantime, several generations between 1970 or so and 2010 or thereabouts, were publicly educated without being trained to hide under their desks at all. And they’re the people that are mostly in charge now.
Even though they’re wusscakes.
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