Setting the standard for other world leaders. The Caucasian-in-Chief, Twittering from Asia like some demented jungle songbird, patted himself on the back over the weekend by noting that he had never called North Korean head apparatchik Kim Jong Un “short and fat.”
By Tweeting this he immediately claimed the moral high ground, because Trump is tall and fat. Not only that, but he rules over a nation of fat people, some of whom are tall as well. Un is the only fat person impoverished North Korea can afford to maintain.
Tall fat people are superior to short fat people because they are easier to spot at crowded events such as concerts, although they are also easier to shoot at them, if your concert happens to be targeted by an insane mass killer.
Also, tall fat people can get food off high shelves more easily than short fat people, although this is probably not a problem for Kim, because if people don’t bring him food, he will have them shot. Other hungry short people need to get stepladders.
By proposing that tall and fat is the preferred body type for world leaders, Trump has claimed first place among American Presidents, at least first since William Howard Taft. Many, if not most, Presidents are tall, but few have pushed the envelope of lardassity like Trump. Clinton jogged, Obama played basketball, Dubya did stuff on his ranch, and JFK did Marilyn Monroe, all to keep their weight down. Trump just watches TV while stuffing his face with fast food. In that, he is more representative of many Americans than runners like Carter and woodchoppers like Reagan. Think about that, and a second term seems more possible.
If we allow Trump to set the standard for national leader body types, the rest of the head-of-state crew can easily be judged inferior to Trump. Un has already been found lacking, but what about the rest?
GERMANY—ANGELA MERKEL: Short. But goes beyond fat into the realm of dowdy. Loser.
CANADA--JUSTIN TRUDEAU: Tall. Dreamboat in the looks department. Easily defeated in sumo, though. Doesn’t have the belly for it. Showboat.
PHILIPPINES—RODRIGO DUTERTE—Really short and skinny. Admirably belligerent nonetheless. Hater.
FRANCE—EMMANUEL MACRON—Tiny little thing. Just pat him on the head when he starts babbling about NATO. Sad.
RUSSIA—VLADIMIR PUTIN—Can only look Trump in the eye when sitting on horseback, and stays unfortunately thin by wrestling tigers and swimming amid icebergs. Physically inferior, but a pal nonetheless. Bro.
By Tweeting this he immediately claimed the moral high ground, because Trump is tall and fat. Not only that, but he rules over a nation of fat people, some of whom are tall as well. Un is the only fat person impoverished North Korea can afford to maintain.
Tall fat people are superior to short fat people because they are easier to spot at crowded events such as concerts, although they are also easier to shoot at them, if your concert happens to be targeted by an insane mass killer.
Also, tall fat people can get food off high shelves more easily than short fat people, although this is probably not a problem for Kim, because if people don’t bring him food, he will have them shot. Other hungry short people need to get stepladders.
By proposing that tall and fat is the preferred body type for world leaders, Trump has claimed first place among American Presidents, at least first since William Howard Taft. Many, if not most, Presidents are tall, but few have pushed the envelope of lardassity like Trump. Clinton jogged, Obama played basketball, Dubya did stuff on his ranch, and JFK did Marilyn Monroe, all to keep their weight down. Trump just watches TV while stuffing his face with fast food. In that, he is more representative of many Americans than runners like Carter and woodchoppers like Reagan. Think about that, and a second term seems more possible.
If we allow Trump to set the standard for national leader body types, the rest of the head-of-state crew can easily be judged inferior to Trump. Un has already been found lacking, but what about the rest?
GERMANY—ANGELA MERKEL: Short. But goes beyond fat into the realm of dowdy. Loser.
CANADA--JUSTIN TRUDEAU: Tall. Dreamboat in the looks department. Easily defeated in sumo, though. Doesn’t have the belly for it. Showboat.
PHILIPPINES—RODRIGO DUTERTE—Really short and skinny. Admirably belligerent nonetheless. Hater.
FRANCE—EMMANUEL MACRON—Tiny little thing. Just pat him on the head when he starts babbling about NATO. Sad.
RUSSIA—VLADIMIR PUTIN—Can only look Trump in the eye when sitting on horseback, and stays unfortunately thin by wrestling tigers and swimming amid icebergs. Physically inferior, but a pal nonetheless. Bro.
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