Her lovely lady lumps
Black Eyed Peas to play halftime show at Super Bowl...is Fergie a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen? We hope so. The turmoil that swept across America moments after Justin Timberlake ripped off Janet Jackson's bra during halftime of Super Bowl XXVII was too amusing not to bear repeating. Apparently based on the premise that most people watching the show had never seen a breast before, the wave of national revulsion that followed the inadvertent exposure of the Jackson mammary was stirred by America's still strong anti-breast demographic. The downside, if Fergie follows JJ's lead and pops her top, is we'll be subject to a variety of geriatric rockers in following years as we were following Justin's bra-ripping episode...Paul McCartney followed Janet, and the Rolling Stones and Bruce Springsteen have been seen since then at Super Bowl shows, and if Fergie lets a boobie slip, more of the musical near-dead will undoubtedly be scheduled for the SB stage, acts more likely to rip off a feeding tube than a bra.
The Peas will no doubt play many of their lyrically profound songs such as Booty Call, Fergalicious and My Humps, accompanied by the music-like
sounds they make and that many people enjoy.
In the meantime, Fergie will not be answering your emails, and Justin's not looking to rip off your bra, so here's The Complete Guide to Computer Dating, Part II:
Disclaimer: This blog may often not contain any information about computer dating. When it does, perfectly good advice is often mixed in with sarcasm and humor. If you cannot tell the difference between good advice and blistering sarcasm, consult a humor professional before using any of this advice. Also, in spite of the name, it is not complete.
Choosing a Site
The best dating sites are free, like the best things in life and my advice. Plentyoffish boasts that it has more users than any other dating site. I've gotten tons of dates from it and two relationships. Not at the same time. Sure, having multiple affairs sounds like fun, but it's time consuming and if you're the guy paying for everything, expensive. Plus you have to learn to lie shamelessly, like a politician. (Possibly why those guys are so good at having affairs).
POF allows you to check out people, find out who's checking you out, send messages and even instant message fellow users. It offers matches for you based on location and a personality profile you fill out. You can be a man looking for women or men, or a woman looking for the same. POF offers sex personals. I don't go there, not because I'm against hooking up, but because there's probably a thousand men for every four women on that area of the site, and those women charge by the hour. Guys, you're better off going to a bar. Really. Log off now and get out of the house.
Also in the free category and somewhat racier is OKCupid. Besides the features that POF offers, it has much more extensive matching questions and offers percentages of how close your answers come to the answers of members you are looking at. It also offers much more than standard straight, bi or gay matching. If you are, for example, a polyamorous individual who's a secondary in your current relationship and want to find a primary of your own, OKCupid will accommodate you.
If you don't understand the previous sentence, you want to skip this and go to the next step.
Cupid has fewer members than POF, and will often suggest you meet people that are several hundred miles away. I live seventy miles from downtown Los Angeles and Cupid is constantly thinking I ought to meet people who live in Greater LA, on the far side of exhausting daily traffic jams. Not doing it. I've gotten dates from OKCupid, but nothing even semi-permanent.
There are a few other sites that offer free dating. You can find them by running a Google search. Go ahead, you do it. Exhaustive research isn't my specialty. You can sign up for all of them if you want. They're free.
Pay sites, like Match.com, E-Harmony and American Singles are very similar, except you pay for them. They've never worked any better for me than the free sites, so I don't. E-Harmony only matches up straight people. They claim not to hate gays because they run a separate site for them. This is like claiming you don't hate blacks or Hispanics because you built them a separate neighborhood. What, they're worried that the bytes of gay desire will contaminate the pixels of the straight? I don't believe them, and neither should you.
Next, Your Profile Picture, and my pick for the Super Bowl!
The Peas will no doubt play many of their lyrically profound songs such as Booty Call, Fergalicious and My Humps, accompanied by the music-like
sounds they make and that many people enjoy.
In the meantime, Fergie will not be answering your emails, and Justin's not looking to rip off your bra, so here's The Complete Guide to Computer Dating, Part II:
Disclaimer: This blog may often not contain any information about computer dating. When it does, perfectly good advice is often mixed in with sarcasm and humor. If you cannot tell the difference between good advice and blistering sarcasm, consult a humor professional before using any of this advice. Also, in spite of the name, it is not complete.
Choosing a Site
The best dating sites are free, like the best things in life and my advice. Plentyoffish boasts that it has more users than any other dating site. I've gotten tons of dates from it and two relationships. Not at the same time. Sure, having multiple affairs sounds like fun, but it's time consuming and if you're the guy paying for everything, expensive. Plus you have to learn to lie shamelessly, like a politician. (Possibly why those guys are so good at having affairs).
POF allows you to check out people, find out who's checking you out, send messages and even instant message fellow users. It offers matches for you based on location and a personality profile you fill out. You can be a man looking for women or men, or a woman looking for the same. POF offers sex personals. I don't go there, not because I'm against hooking up, but because there's probably a thousand men for every four women on that area of the site, and those women charge by the hour. Guys, you're better off going to a bar. Really. Log off now and get out of the house.
Also in the free category and somewhat racier is OKCupid. Besides the features that POF offers, it has much more extensive matching questions and offers percentages of how close your answers come to the answers of members you are looking at. It also offers much more than standard straight, bi or gay matching. If you are, for example, a polyamorous individual who's a secondary in your current relationship and want to find a primary of your own, OKCupid will accommodate you.
If you don't understand the previous sentence, you want to skip this and go to the next step.
Cupid has fewer members than POF, and will often suggest you meet people that are several hundred miles away. I live seventy miles from downtown Los Angeles and Cupid is constantly thinking I ought to meet people who live in Greater LA, on the far side of exhausting daily traffic jams. Not doing it. I've gotten dates from OKCupid, but nothing even semi-permanent.
There are a few other sites that offer free dating. You can find them by running a Google search. Go ahead, you do it. Exhaustive research isn't my specialty. You can sign up for all of them if you want. They're free.
Pay sites, like Match.com, E-Harmony and American Singles are very similar, except you pay for them. They've never worked any better for me than the free sites, so I don't. E-Harmony only matches up straight people. They claim not to hate gays because they run a separate site for them. This is like claiming you don't hate blacks or Hispanics because you built them a separate neighborhood. What, they're worried that the bytes of gay desire will contaminate the pixels of the straight? I don't believe them, and neither should you.
Next, Your Profile Picture, and my pick for the Super Bowl!
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