A description of Rick Santorum's political ad, "Obamaville," published in the New York Times.
Fast forward to 2014, after Santorum's triumphant march to the Presidency. Two men, former residents of Obamaville, are discussing the fate of their town under the Santorum Administration. Their names have been changed to protect them from political retribution. Actually, the names have just been reversed. The one called "Lem" is really "Clem," and "Clem" is really "Lem."
CLEM: Well, it's been two yars since Rick's been elected, and things are goin' pretty good.
LEM: I'll say, Clem. We finally got real religious freedom in this town, which is what we thought it should be all along….freedom for everybody ta have the same religion as us.
CLEM: We runned all the atheists off inta the swamp.
LEM: We wanted ta burn a mosque, but we couldn't find none…we finally found a 7-11 owned by one o' them Hindunesians and burnt it instead.
CLEM: "O' course, things ain't perfect, but I don't blame Rick. I was right behind him startin' a war with Iran the day after he was swore in. Who was ta think it would shut off all the oil from Arabia and whatnot?
LEM: Now we has to buy oil from Hugo Chavez at $400 a barrel.
CLEM: We don't got them long lines at the doctor that we was gonna get under Obamacare.
LEM: We don't got no doctor at all…he's in jail, fer givin' some woman an abortion without makin' her lissen to a fetal heartbeat first.
CLEM: Claimed that her bein' raped made some kind of difference. O' course, it was a gang of illegal immigrants what raped her, like usual.
LEM: Shot right over our new border fence on them high-powered motorcycles they was riding is what the cops think happened…they was all wearin' Secretary o' State Newt Gingrich masks so none of 'em was caught.
CLEM: Naturally the girl got pregnant…she warn't on birth control. Illegal for insurance companies to cover it now. Tried to hold an aspirin between her knees, she says, but…
LEM: Don't believe her neither. Can you say "slut?"
CLEM: We ain't worried about jobs no more.
LEM: None of us has got one. As soon as Rick laid off all them wasteful government workers unemployment went up to 19% and the economy tanked like the Exxon Valdez.
CLEM: We don't believe that rich people ought to pay no taxes, because we might win the lottery ourselfs someday, so we borrowed money fer the war from them Chinese again. They has plenty because they's selling the Iraquanians all their weapons.
LEM: That feller, Ahmada-somethin,' that we was so worried about getting' the bomb, got hisself declared Dictator-for-Life.
CLEM: They say he was gonna get tossed out until we puffed him all up by startin' a war with them.
LEM: So things ain't perfect. But imagine what woulda happened if we kept Obama?
CLEM: None o' this, that's fer sure.