The fact that these Congresspeople don’t seem to know that it has been illegal to import foreign citizens en masse since 1808, when transporting slaves from Africa to the US was banned by a previous Congress, should in no way be held against this proposed new caucus. Lack of historical knowledge and precision in language should not mask the seriousness of purpose of this wannabe group, led jointly by a lady who bought a gym just so she could cruise for three-way sex in it and a guy who likes to get paid to talk to white supremacists.
The caucus has a particular hard-on for modern architecture. Under “infrastructure,” the platform promotes “architectural, engineering and aesthetic value that befits the progeny of European architecture.”
The use of the phrase “befit the progeny” here indicates that the group could easily have been called the Caucus That Likes to Use Big Words Without Understanding Precisely What They Mean, but I’m thinking what they mean here is that all government buildings should have domes and spires, and the fact that in non-Anglo-Saxon Asia and Africa there was sophisticated architecture for thousands of years, during which our European ancestors were building huts with sticks and mud, should always be ignored.
Congressman Matt “Just Touch It for Me, Baby,” Gaetz, wanted to be in the caucus as soon as he heard about it, immediately making him the member most likely to be the first indicted. “Anything that Marjorie ‘Give Me One in My Mouth and One from Behind,’ says is good by me,” said Gaetz, whose former wingman just became an FBI stoolie.
Louie Gohmert, who doesn’t know the difference between the Iron Curtain, which was what the USSR imposed in Eastern Europe after WW II, and the Steel Curtain, which was the Pittsburgh Steelers defense in the ‘70’s, was said to be eager to join the group, as was the noted Neanderthal congressman from Alabama, Barry Forbes.
Surprisingly, fellow Congressional Q-cutie Lauren Boebert did not immediately jump on the running board of the White Nationalist Stagecoach as soon as it set off. I don’t know why. It’s not because she realized it was stupid, though, because saying an idea is too stupid for Lauren Boebert to entertain is like saying a woman is too promiscuous for Matt Gaetz to do likewise.
Yes, white people have had a good run. Europeans have made many contributions to the world’s music, from Beethoven’s “Song of Joy” to Ted Nugent’s “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang.” Their cuisine has rocked the globe’s taste buds, from quiche Lorraine to smothered tater tots. Their achievements in art range from Michelangelo’s David to Sponge Bob SquarePants, and in commerce from the World Trade Organization to the swap meet.
White people did not invent war. They did, however, invent nuclear war. Take that, Lao Tzu.
Americans think that they dwell at the apex of Anglo-Saxonality, although white people in other countries tend to think we live in a savage place of constant semi-automatic weapons fire, where every daycare center is guarded by a vigilante with an AR-15. But even we Americans, living at the center of the white world, have to admit that some of the things we depend on to live have been gifted to us by non-white people, like the numerals we count with and the concept of money itself. Plus, tacos.
Maybe that’s what House Minority Leader Kevin “My Nose Is Still Firmly Up Trump’s Ass” McCarthy pointed out to Marjorie Taylor Greene when she braced him with concept of the America First caucus. Or maybe he just said, “How fucking stupid can you be? Wait—I know the answer to that,” as he nixed the formation of the not-nearly-subtle-enough-about-our-overt-racism coffee klatch.
So, we’re not getting a America First caucus after all. Bad start to the week, if you ask me.