Used to be (and I’m saying this in my best, creaky old guy voice) that the Republican Party got along fine just being regular Republicans. By that, I mean they got plenty of votes and won their share of elections by standing up for Republican principles. Principles like hating Obamacare, dishing out the bare minimum of Social Security to keep old people alive, squawking about how raising taxes on the wealthy would ruin the economy because then they couldn’t afford to pay poor schlubs to mow their lawns and polish their silverware, and spending the equivalent of a car payment every month for insulin.
And the deficit, the deficit, the deficit. Fixing it was the Benghazi of economic principles, endlessly talked if never actually addressed. Republicans always talked about eliminating it, but when they actually had a chance to, they expanded it like it was the roof of a Russian ammunition dump.
People noticed this, but it mostly never kept them from voting Republican. The American people are a thick-headed sort, but now it seems to have dawned on them that, now that everybody has at least one relative on Obamacare and a couple on Social Security, and that billionaires are flying themselves into space on the money they save on not paying taxes, that there are flaws in old school Republicanism.
Plus, a pandemic’s worth of sitting inside and eating chips has greatly increased our nation’s need for cheap insulin.
So, the Republicans now have a new rallying cry—INFLATION! They’re hoping that if you elect them to cure inflation, you won’t notice that they will do absolutely nothing about it, just stick it on the wall next to the Benghazi/Obamacare/deficit stuff and take credit for it if it solves itself.
Might not work for the GOP this time, though. They have inadvertently shot themselves right in their elephant feet by appointing enough religious zealots to the Supreme Court to throw abortion rights to the wind, which started blowing back right in their faces immediately. They are discovering that lifelong Republicans PawPaw and MawMaw, despite attending the Church of the Ever-Flowing Waters of Jesus’s Love, where the preacher thunders against abortion every week, are not so keen about having abortion criminalized. Especially since they were forced to adopt their granddaughter because their daughter is in jail for selling fentanyl, and they found their adoptee’s panties on the roof of their doghouse one morning last week.
And she listens to nothing but rap music.
The Republicans need to scour for votes, and the conspiracy community is looking for political leaders. Chemtrailers want to clean out the skies, flat-earthers are looking for validation, election-deniers want to overturn every election they lose and Q-Anon just discovered the Queen was dead. Elizabeth Two was always on the top of their list as a leader of the global child-abuse conspiracy.
Of course, many Q-sters believe the Queen has been dead for years, replaced by a clever holograph, although why the cabal would have her officially dead just now instead of replacing her batteries and letting her go on forever is not explained.
Q-Anon also claims that the Queen was Queen of the Lizard People as well as of England. The Lizard People are our reptilian overlords, controlling us from a parallel universe through their agents, Bill Gates, George Soros, Hillary Clinton and Harambe, the dead gorilla.
None of this makes any sense, but that doesn’t stop Republicans from screeching for Q-Anon votes. Without them, they could lose. Republicanism, historically, has never had to really make sense.
Ask Herschel Walker.
And the deficit, the deficit, the deficit. Fixing it was the Benghazi of economic principles, endlessly talked if never actually addressed. Republicans always talked about eliminating it, but when they actually had a chance to, they expanded it like it was the roof of a Russian ammunition dump.
People noticed this, but it mostly never kept them from voting Republican. The American people are a thick-headed sort, but now it seems to have dawned on them that, now that everybody has at least one relative on Obamacare and a couple on Social Security, and that billionaires are flying themselves into space on the money they save on not paying taxes, that there are flaws in old school Republicanism.
Plus, a pandemic’s worth of sitting inside and eating chips has greatly increased our nation’s need for cheap insulin.
So, the Republicans now have a new rallying cry—INFLATION! They’re hoping that if you elect them to cure inflation, you won’t notice that they will do absolutely nothing about it, just stick it on the wall next to the Benghazi/Obamacare/deficit stuff and take credit for it if it solves itself.
Might not work for the GOP this time, though. They have inadvertently shot themselves right in their elephant feet by appointing enough religious zealots to the Supreme Court to throw abortion rights to the wind, which started blowing back right in their faces immediately. They are discovering that lifelong Republicans PawPaw and MawMaw, despite attending the Church of the Ever-Flowing Waters of Jesus’s Love, where the preacher thunders against abortion every week, are not so keen about having abortion criminalized. Especially since they were forced to adopt their granddaughter because their daughter is in jail for selling fentanyl, and they found their adoptee’s panties on the roof of their doghouse one morning last week.
And she listens to nothing but rap music.
The Republicans need to scour for votes, and the conspiracy community is looking for political leaders. Chemtrailers want to clean out the skies, flat-earthers are looking for validation, election-deniers want to overturn every election they lose and Q-Anon just discovered the Queen was dead. Elizabeth Two was always on the top of their list as a leader of the global child-abuse conspiracy.
Of course, many Q-sters believe the Queen has been dead for years, replaced by a clever holograph, although why the cabal would have her officially dead just now instead of replacing her batteries and letting her go on forever is not explained.
Q-Anon also claims that the Queen was Queen of the Lizard People as well as of England. The Lizard People are our reptilian overlords, controlling us from a parallel universe through their agents, Bill Gates, George Soros, Hillary Clinton and Harambe, the dead gorilla.
None of this makes any sense, but that doesn’t stop Republicans from screeching for Q-Anon votes. Without them, they could lose. Republicanism, historically, has never had to really make sense.
Ask Herschel Walker.
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