Recently, a spokesman for Tim Pawlenty, a GOP presidential hopeful said of one of his competitors for the Republican presidential nod, Michelle Bachmann, "She has sex appeal."
Pawlenty's not getting this writer's vote for that reason if no other. We can't trust the governance of this nation to a man who wouldn't know sex appeal from a handful of dryer lint. Bachmann is not sexy, unless you like your women to be bony-faced, saucer-eyed loonies. If you question the loony part, here's a bag of Bachmann quotes. This writer's favorite is the one in which she suggests that since the singer Melissa Etheridge has been diagnosed with cancer, she should reconsider being a lesbian. Apparently the Congresswoman feels that homosexuality is like smoking cigarettes; a bad habit, tough to break for sure, but when you finally get cancer, it's only common sense to quit.
The rest of the Republican field is similarly unstimulating. Pawlenty's unsexy by default; Romney's a Mormon, a religion that requires its adherents to wear constricting, ugly and distinctly anti-libidinous underwear and Newt Gingrich wouldn't owe $500,000 for jewelry if he could seduce women by merely smoldering at them. This reporter can't even remember the names of the rest of the Republican wannabe Presidents offhand, except for Thaddeus McCotter. Nobody named Thaddeus who insists on using his full first name knows anything about oozing carnality and the too-numerous-to-be-named others don't strike anyone as very hunkalicious, either.
The only sexy Republicans are the ones who aren't running, namely Arnold Schwarzenegger, who can't run for President because he was born in Austria and just in case they changed that rule, decided to start a second secret family with his maid, and Sarah Palin, who has that looks-great-until-she-opens-her-mouth quality that many professional topless dancers possess, and is just as qualified to be Commander in Chief as any stripper in this country.
It's obvious Republicans have sex, and possibly they enjoy it, but they don't want anyone else to enjoy it, especially gays, unmarried mothers and atheists, and they certainly don't want their Presidential candidates to have even the faintest bedroom musk about them. No Republican that has become President in the memory of this writer has had any hint of blatant sexuality imbedded in his persona. This includes both Bushes, who have that preppie, neutered quality about them that characterizes Anglo bluebloods everywhere and Reagan, who despite being a former actor, always came off as more avuncular than irresistible.
Gerald Ford? Too clumsy. Nixon? It is to laugh. In the meantime, the Democrats were giving us Kennedy, who achieved the ultimate aim of every male of his generation not by merely being President but by having sex with Joe DiMaggio's ex, Lyndon Johnson, who made sure everyone knew about the monster in his BVD's, just like any other ugly man with a big penis who ever lived, and the serial philandering of Bill Clinton.
Obama may be a faithful husband, but at least he peels off his shirt to play hoops. Even Jimmy Carter admitted to lusting after women in his heart.
Going back to the Republicans of the history books doesn't add much boom-chicka-boom to the legend of the GOP, either. If Eisenhower was a bedroom marauder, he kept it secret. He kept D-Day secret too, so it's a possibility. Coolidge's sexual indifference provided the grist for the only funny thing he ever said. Teddy Roosevelt boxed and hunted big game. Can you say sublimation?
You have to go back to Lincoln. Saved the Union, freed the slaves, was one of the few men in history who actually looked good in a top hat and still has his face on the money and his own place in DC. The guy had it going on. There are some researchers who think he may have been gay or bisexual. Lincoln was known to have shared a bed with another man, but whether it was for sex or because neither one of them wanted to sleep on the floor, no one knows. If it was for sex, it's clear Michele Bachmann wouldn't want the Great Emancipator in the party.
Especially if he smoked a cigarette afterwards.
Pawlenty's not getting this writer's vote for that reason if no other. We can't trust the governance of this nation to a man who wouldn't know sex appeal from a handful of dryer lint. Bachmann is not sexy, unless you like your women to be bony-faced, saucer-eyed loonies. If you question the loony part, here's a bag of Bachmann quotes. This writer's favorite is the one in which she suggests that since the singer Melissa Etheridge has been diagnosed with cancer, she should reconsider being a lesbian. Apparently the Congresswoman feels that homosexuality is like smoking cigarettes; a bad habit, tough to break for sure, but when you finally get cancer, it's only common sense to quit.
The rest of the Republican field is similarly unstimulating. Pawlenty's unsexy by default; Romney's a Mormon, a religion that requires its adherents to wear constricting, ugly and distinctly anti-libidinous underwear and Newt Gingrich wouldn't owe $500,000 for jewelry if he could seduce women by merely smoldering at them. This reporter can't even remember the names of the rest of the Republican wannabe Presidents offhand, except for Thaddeus McCotter. Nobody named Thaddeus who insists on using his full first name knows anything about oozing carnality and the too-numerous-to-be-named others don't strike anyone as very hunkalicious, either.
The only sexy Republicans are the ones who aren't running, namely Arnold Schwarzenegger, who can't run for President because he was born in Austria and just in case they changed that rule, decided to start a second secret family with his maid, and Sarah Palin, who has that looks-great-until-she-opens-her-mouth quality that many professional topless dancers possess, and is just as qualified to be Commander in Chief as any stripper in this country.
It's obvious Republicans have sex, and possibly they enjoy it, but they don't want anyone else to enjoy it, especially gays, unmarried mothers and atheists, and they certainly don't want their Presidential candidates to have even the faintest bedroom musk about them. No Republican that has become President in the memory of this writer has had any hint of blatant sexuality imbedded in his persona. This includes both Bushes, who have that preppie, neutered quality about them that characterizes Anglo bluebloods everywhere and Reagan, who despite being a former actor, always came off as more avuncular than irresistible.
Gerald Ford? Too clumsy. Nixon? It is to laugh. In the meantime, the Democrats were giving us Kennedy, who achieved the ultimate aim of every male of his generation not by merely being President but by having sex with Joe DiMaggio's ex, Lyndon Johnson, who made sure everyone knew about the monster in his BVD's, just like any other ugly man with a big penis who ever lived, and the serial philandering of Bill Clinton.
Obama may be a faithful husband, but at least he peels off his shirt to play hoops. Even Jimmy Carter admitted to lusting after women in his heart.
Going back to the Republicans of the history books doesn't add much boom-chicka-boom to the legend of the GOP, either. If Eisenhower was a bedroom marauder, he kept it secret. He kept D-Day secret too, so it's a possibility. Coolidge's sexual indifference provided the grist for the only funny thing he ever said. Teddy Roosevelt boxed and hunted big game. Can you say sublimation?
You have to go back to Lincoln. Saved the Union, freed the slaves, was one of the few men in history who actually looked good in a top hat and still has his face on the money and his own place in DC. The guy had it going on. There are some researchers who think he may have been gay or bisexual. Lincoln was known to have shared a bed with another man, but whether it was for sex or because neither one of them wanted to sleep on the floor, no one knows. If it was for sex, it's clear Michele Bachmann wouldn't want the Great Emancipator in the party.
Especially if he smoked a cigarette afterwards.
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