Although this column is not familiar with the price range of rectal playthings, the $27.99 price tag seems like a bargain, even for Trump observers who are not bloated billionaires. There is bound to be a significant market for it. How many of your friends have said "That man has his head up his ass," to which you, as an owner of the TBP, can now reply suavely, "It's up mine, too."
In the illustration here, the bold features of the butt plug can be clearly discerned. The famous comb-over is preserved intact in plastic form, so that the scraping, pulsing sensation you feel in your brain when Trump makes a pronouncement can now be echoed in your anus; the mouth of the simulated Donald is open, so that the products of the alimentary canal can now flow into it, instead of out of it, as is Trump's usual practice, a form of recycling of which eco-conscious supporters of the candidate are bound to approve, although his critics may point out he's just spewing out the same shit over and over.
Whether you employ a butt plug just for the snug sensation (for TBP owners, now also a smug sensation) in your anal cavity, or you need to use a butt plug on a regular basis so you don't accidentally soil yourself when you go jogging because of your personal history of partying down south, so to speak, the Trump Butt Plug will serve both sensual and medical purposes in a politically correct style.
For those of you hesitant to introduce a plastic, ridiculously coiffed blowhard doll into a sensitive body part, fear not. Other products are in the pipeline for you, including Trump Baby Wipes, the Trump Urinal Cake and the Trump Colonoscopy Probe. If the results of the Trump Colonoscopy Probe indicate major surgery, afterwards you may find yourself in need of the Trump Colostomy Bag.
Trump Suppositories and Preparation T are in the pipeline for approval by the FDA.
If either listening to The Donald or just reading this has made you feel queasy, just grab for the nearest Trump Motion Sickness Bag.
It'll be available soon.
Inspiration and several critical ideas for this post were supplied and coated with a thin veneer of academic respectability by Nancy Federman, PhD, Sociology.