Ineffective against the virus Now that spring break is over, Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, has finally called for shutting down his state in order to slow the spread of the coronavirus, but the Trump acolyte has carefully excluded two businesses from the shutdown order—gun shops and churches.
Even here in California, our governor was forced to let gun and ammo sales continue, after an initial attempt at banning them, due to public pressure from local idiots, who don’t feel safe lying around the house in the same bathrobe for weeks at a time unless they are heavily armed. Here in San Diego, we just got an order for everyone outside to be wearing a facemask, or at least a bandanna, so it makes a little sense—as long as you’re looking like you’re about to rob a stagecoach, you might as well be carrying a revolver.
Gun aficionados are ready and possibly eager for the kind of societal breakdown that results in everyone getting lots of tattoos, wearing skimpy leather clothing and trying to kill Mel Gibson. They are ready for blood to run in the streets, which currently seems unlikely because nobody is in the streets. Burglary is at an all-time low, since everybody is at home, and home invasions have dropped off to nearly nothing, because all the prospective home invaders are afraid they might catch the virus from you. School, mall and workplace shootings are all suddenly on hold.
The only people these rookie gun owners can shoot is themselves, and, while they do, putting a bullet in your own leg is hardly the culmination of anyone’s fantasy of armed omniscience.
Here in CA, though, we’ve shut down Jesus. Religious services are conducted entirely on Zoom. Entire ministries are suddenly dependent on PayPal instead of live collection plates, to their financial detriment, as people who go to church just to show off their cars and clothes or sell insurance to their neighbors are now not bothering to check in with God.
Not so in Florida, where the Guv has decreed that if you want to get together with a thousand of your contagious neighbors and handle snakes, speak in tongues or just bleat for mercy at the roof of the cathedral, you can. In fact, DeSantis has implied that doing so is going to help stop the spread of the plague, although God has not seen fit to stop it anywhere else. Possibly that is because the virus started in China, which is atheist, continued to Iran, which is Muslim, then busted over to Italy and Spain, which are Catholic.
So, it's possible Jesus has not yet been prayed at sufficiently by honest-to-God genuine Floridian evangelical Christians gathered together in air-conditioned glory in their sweaty Southern state. However, as is the case with most all prayers, Our Lord seems to holding a hand to His ear and saying, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
But when the pipeline to eternity has been filled with enough petitions from righteous, English-speaking Americans full of piety and fried foods, when enough psalms have been sung and bake sales held, possibly Heaven will have mercy on us and let some team of scientists who have been working seventy hours a week since January to formulate a vaccine.
Then God will get the thanks. And the Guv might get re-elected.
Even here in California, our governor was forced to let gun and ammo sales continue, after an initial attempt at banning them, due to public pressure from local idiots, who don’t feel safe lying around the house in the same bathrobe for weeks at a time unless they are heavily armed. Here in San Diego, we just got an order for everyone outside to be wearing a facemask, or at least a bandanna, so it makes a little sense—as long as you’re looking like you’re about to rob a stagecoach, you might as well be carrying a revolver.
Gun aficionados are ready and possibly eager for the kind of societal breakdown that results in everyone getting lots of tattoos, wearing skimpy leather clothing and trying to kill Mel Gibson. They are ready for blood to run in the streets, which currently seems unlikely because nobody is in the streets. Burglary is at an all-time low, since everybody is at home, and home invasions have dropped off to nearly nothing, because all the prospective home invaders are afraid they might catch the virus from you. School, mall and workplace shootings are all suddenly on hold.
The only people these rookie gun owners can shoot is themselves, and, while they do, putting a bullet in your own leg is hardly the culmination of anyone’s fantasy of armed omniscience.
Here in CA, though, we’ve shut down Jesus. Religious services are conducted entirely on Zoom. Entire ministries are suddenly dependent on PayPal instead of live collection plates, to their financial detriment, as people who go to church just to show off their cars and clothes or sell insurance to their neighbors are now not bothering to check in with God.
Not so in Florida, where the Guv has decreed that if you want to get together with a thousand of your contagious neighbors and handle snakes, speak in tongues or just bleat for mercy at the roof of the cathedral, you can. In fact, DeSantis has implied that doing so is going to help stop the spread of the plague, although God has not seen fit to stop it anywhere else. Possibly that is because the virus started in China, which is atheist, continued to Iran, which is Muslim, then busted over to Italy and Spain, which are Catholic.
So, it's possible Jesus has not yet been prayed at sufficiently by honest-to-God genuine Floridian evangelical Christians gathered together in air-conditioned glory in their sweaty Southern state. However, as is the case with most all prayers, Our Lord seems to holding a hand to His ear and saying, "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
But when the pipeline to eternity has been filled with enough petitions from righteous, English-speaking Americans full of piety and fried foods, when enough psalms have been sung and bake sales held, possibly Heaven will have mercy on us and let some team of scientists who have been working seventy hours a week since January to formulate a vaccine.
Then God will get the thanks. And the Guv might get re-elected.
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