Was this image search fun? You betcha! Former Baywatch jiggle hottie and 15-time Playboy cover girl Pam Anderson has formally come out against porn.
We saw this headline pop up on the Internet last week and our first thought was “That’s kind of like Warren Buffet coming out against money. Or Trump being opposed to bullshit."
Pam has had other opinions throughout the years, as those of you who can stop staring at her breasts long enough to listen already know. She is a member of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, so she doesn’t wear fur coats with nothing on underneath them. When you see a pic of Pam wearing a coat with nothing on underneath it, it is a fake fur.
She is also a vegan, and advocates a vegan diet for everyone who can stand it, which is just about the total number of people who are already vegans.
In an essay co-written with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who might have done most of the actual writing of it, since rabbis are known for their ability to put words together and triple boob-job baring ex-Playboy models not so much, Pam says “Porn is for losers.”
She actually might have written that sentence, with a little help from spell check.
She also writes that porn is “a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality.” All right, the rabbi wrote that, but Pam put her name and world-famous naked body behind it.
What Pam doesn’t realize is that reaping the ample rewards of healthy sexuality is a lot easier for her than for most of us. All she has to do is wink at a heterosexual male and she can reap the reward of his healthy sexuality the minute they can both get inside. For the rest of us, it requires work, and many times that work is not rewarded with sex at all. We guys started off as innocent young wankers, staring at our Baywatch poster on the wall and noticing that looking at Pam, in her tight, nearly see-through rescue suit, made us feel warm in the groin.
And if David Hasselhoff made that happen, too, well then—we discovered something about ourselves.
The act of shame followed shortly thereafter.
Through our teens and twenties, we endured the hits and misses of the dating game. And when we missed, there was Pam in yet another issue of Playboy to give our restless hormones peace.
Finally, we married, and eventually our wives got sick of giving us sex, but we knew that if we tried to have sex with anybody else we would lose our kids, cars, houses and disposable income. Magically, Pam would appear in naked in Playboy yet again, an answer to our unfilled needs.
Then the Internet happened. Like the classified ads, nobody uses Pam or Playboy anymore, not with free live HD porn streaming on our iPhones. In what must come as a shock to her, Pam is being totally ignored when the males of the present day prepare to commit the solitary sin.
The thinking here is she’s miffed about that.
We saw this headline pop up on the Internet last week and our first thought was “That’s kind of like Warren Buffet coming out against money. Or Trump being opposed to bullshit."
Pam has had other opinions throughout the years, as those of you who can stop staring at her breasts long enough to listen already know. She is a member of PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, so she doesn’t wear fur coats with nothing on underneath them. When you see a pic of Pam wearing a coat with nothing on underneath it, it is a fake fur.
She is also a vegan, and advocates a vegan diet for everyone who can stand it, which is just about the total number of people who are already vegans.
In an essay co-written with Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, who might have done most of the actual writing of it, since rabbis are known for their ability to put words together and triple boob-job baring ex-Playboy models not so much, Pam says “Porn is for losers.”
She actually might have written that sentence, with a little help from spell check.
She also writes that porn is “a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality.” All right, the rabbi wrote that, but Pam put her name and world-famous naked body behind it.
What Pam doesn’t realize is that reaping the ample rewards of healthy sexuality is a lot easier for her than for most of us. All she has to do is wink at a heterosexual male and she can reap the reward of his healthy sexuality the minute they can both get inside. For the rest of us, it requires work, and many times that work is not rewarded with sex at all. We guys started off as innocent young wankers, staring at our Baywatch poster on the wall and noticing that looking at Pam, in her tight, nearly see-through rescue suit, made us feel warm in the groin.
And if David Hasselhoff made that happen, too, well then—we discovered something about ourselves.
The act of shame followed shortly thereafter.
Through our teens and twenties, we endured the hits and misses of the dating game. And when we missed, there was Pam in yet another issue of Playboy to give our restless hormones peace.
Finally, we married, and eventually our wives got sick of giving us sex, but we knew that if we tried to have sex with anybody else we would lose our kids, cars, houses and disposable income. Magically, Pam would appear in naked in Playboy yet again, an answer to our unfilled needs.
Then the Internet happened. Like the classified ads, nobody uses Pam or Playboy anymore, not with free live HD porn streaming on our iPhones. In what must come as a shock to her, Pam is being totally ignored when the males of the present day prepare to commit the solitary sin.
The thinking here is she’s miffed about that.
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