They had to stretch for this argument because Harris was born in Oakland, California. Previous outbursts of birtherism had concentrated on theories that the most consequential black politician to date had been born in Kenya. When that proved to be untrue, there were still some grumblings about Obama having been born in Hawaii, which is not a real state but rather a vacation destination.
You can’t say that about Harris, because no place is more real than Oakland. I questioned a leading Republican policymaker, who wished to remain anonymous, about the theory that Harris isn’t eligible to sit in the Oval Office.
“It’s because her parents weren’t citizens,” he snapped. “It’s one thing to have an anchor baby, which is what they did in their sneaky immigrant way. And it’s fine to have that anchor baby grow up to run a taco truck or cut lawns or something. But to be Vice-President—that ought to be against the law.”
Apparently, though, it’s not.
“Well, it ought to be. Particularly when you consider where her parents were from. Indian-Americans are fine to be here, particularly if you need to grab a pack of smokes from the 7-11 or a hotel room for an afternoon quickie. Frankly, I didn’t even know we let Jamaicans into this country unless they could headline a reggae concert, because Jamaica is in the Shithole Triangle. Certainly the 14th Amendment wasn’t written to make dark-skinned people equal to regular Americans.
Actually, that’s exactly why it was written.
“And we’ve been fine ignoring that up until now. In retrospect, letting Obama be President for eight years was an okay move, because it proved America was totally over slavery without any lingering side effects anymore, which has been the Republican position since the end of the Civil War. Now that we’ve done that, we don’t need to have another black person in the White House for another couple hundred years.”
Wow…that’s really, really racist.
“I deny that completely. It’s color-blind. What are white people, particularly those that live in the South and in rural areas, going to think if another person of color is sitting in the White House so soon after Obama? They’re going to think they’re being discriminated against. Also, that their religion is being warred on and that they have to share their favorite fishing spots with gay people. But otherwise, in our generous, open to everybody way, the Republican Party welcomes every person of color who supports us. Look at Herman Cain, whom Trump is really sorry he killed. Look at Ted Cruz.”
Ted Cruz is white.
“But he has a Hispanic name. Not that he’s really important to us anymore, now that he’s grown an Al Gore style well-I-guess-I’m-never-going-to-be-President ugly beard. But we have real black people on the Republican side too. Diamond and Silk. That Senator from someplace. I admit, we printed so many Blacks for Trump t-shirts that we had to start giving them away to white people. But our next t-shirt is going to be a big hit.”
What’s it going to say?
“Blacks Who Think the President Needs to be White. We can’t print them fast enough.”