“It’s a hoax that this virus is what’s offing our senior population. These elderly Americans are merely fatigued by the successes of President Trump,” the Siren of Spin said. “Some American seniors are just too feeble to endure the glow of this era of American splendor. Many of them are choosing to ‘check out,’ so to speak, at this peak of American greatness.
“We, of course, regret their loss, but we can hardly blame them for kicking the oxygen habit out of sheer joy at what the last four years has brought. The failed Obama Administration should have had accomplishments like ours to boast of. From putting up several miles of wall, to re-opening one coal mine, to courageous tax cuts that nobody worth less than a few million even noticed, to getting nice letters from North Korea, our President has outstripped all previous Presidential achievements in a mere four years, and did it while lowering his golf handicap.
“Likewise, we reject the notion that retired people are dying in despair because their 401(k)’s entirely vanished, and that their Social Security is next. Those proud Americans are succumbing to pure joy that America is First again, and are choosing to buy the farm at this apex of American success.
“To be an American at this time of epic American glory can be tiring, and we are sorry to lose these citizens who are blissfully heading to Heaven, their lungs exploding with pride at all President Trump has done. They will be missed. But if by chance you’re still around, and your doctor says that, unfortunately, you have to share a respirator with a minority person in order to survive, go ahead and do it.
“You’ll still want to vote for Trump in November.”