Don't go there It is midnight in the White House. BARACK OBAMA, unable to sleep, wanders the hall of Presidential portraits. Pausing, he looks his predecessors straight in their painted eyes and addresses them.
"Well, he did it guys. That bastard seems to have used chemical weapons on his own people. I said he'd get whupped if he did that, and now I'm stuck with it, maybe.
"The Republicans will have my ass if I don't do something and if I do something that doesn't work out perfectly, they'll have my ass anyway. Nothing in Syria has worked out perfectly for about six thousand years, so forgive me for not being optimistic about it.
"Sure, we got rid of Ghaddafi in Libya, but that was a snap compared to this. Everybody hated him. The Syrian guy has a lot of people on his side. Including the Christians. The Republicans think there's a war on Christianity now, because they can't put crosses on government buildings. Imagine how long they're going to stand by me in Syria when the Air Force starts blowing up actual churches.
"Of course, the Christians aren't the only problem. You got your Shiites, your Sunnis and your Alawites, too. And don't forget the Druze. (A half-forgotten comic ditty from OBAMA'S childhood comes back to him, and he begins to modify it to suit the current situation. Singing softly)
"Oh, the Shiites hate the Sunnis
And the Sunnis hate the Shiites
And the Kurdish hate the Alawites
And everybody hates the Druze!
OBAMA laughs bitterly. "Never going to be a National Brotherhood Week in Syria, that's for sure. Al Qaeda will see to that. They're just waiting to start snatching up any American weapons we ship over there. Hezbollah's aching to get in on the action, and the Israelis are bound to take a few potshots at them. Jordan's screaming for help because everybody in the Middle East with an active interest in not getting shot or gassed wants to be a refugee there. And the whole mess will probably lead to another civil war in Lebanon. Of course, it doesn't take much more than a guy double-parking in Beirut to lead to another civil war in Lebanon."
(OBAMA looks levelly at the wall of Presidents. Decisively)
"I'm not doing it, guys. They can have a few guns and some ammo. That's it. You behind me? I think so. (Walks towards the stairs, muttering)
"Talk about sticking your dick in a beehive."
"Well, he did it guys. That bastard seems to have used chemical weapons on his own people. I said he'd get whupped if he did that, and now I'm stuck with it, maybe.
"The Republicans will have my ass if I don't do something and if I do something that doesn't work out perfectly, they'll have my ass anyway. Nothing in Syria has worked out perfectly for about six thousand years, so forgive me for not being optimistic about it.
"Sure, we got rid of Ghaddafi in Libya, but that was a snap compared to this. Everybody hated him. The Syrian guy has a lot of people on his side. Including the Christians. The Republicans think there's a war on Christianity now, because they can't put crosses on government buildings. Imagine how long they're going to stand by me in Syria when the Air Force starts blowing up actual churches.
"Of course, the Christians aren't the only problem. You got your Shiites, your Sunnis and your Alawites, too. And don't forget the Druze. (A half-forgotten comic ditty from OBAMA'S childhood comes back to him, and he begins to modify it to suit the current situation. Singing softly)
"Oh, the Shiites hate the Sunnis
And the Sunnis hate the Shiites
And the Kurdish hate the Alawites
And everybody hates the Druze!
OBAMA laughs bitterly. "Never going to be a National Brotherhood Week in Syria, that's for sure. Al Qaeda will see to that. They're just waiting to start snatching up any American weapons we ship over there. Hezbollah's aching to get in on the action, and the Israelis are bound to take a few potshots at them. Jordan's screaming for help because everybody in the Middle East with an active interest in not getting shot or gassed wants to be a refugee there. And the whole mess will probably lead to another civil war in Lebanon. Of course, it doesn't take much more than a guy double-parking in Beirut to lead to another civil war in Lebanon."
(OBAMA looks levelly at the wall of Presidents. Decisively)
"I'm not doing it, guys. They can have a few guns and some ammo. That's it. You behind me? I think so. (Walks towards the stairs, muttering)
"Talk about sticking your dick in a beehive."
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