Caving in to the unwed Wasilla mother's demand, President Obama apologized to Bristol Palin today. Palin demanded the apology because comedian Bill Maher insulted her mother, right-wing Rockette Sarah Palin, by calling her a word that rhymes with what a football team does on fourth and twenty-five.
Palin felt she was entitled to the apology because her mom's friend Rush Limbaugh had called fifteen-minute-of-famer Sandra Fluke a "slut," after she was not allowed to testify at a Congressional hearing on health insurance coverage for birth control pills.
The full text of the apology is reprinted below:
The President wishes to apologize to Bristol Palin. He never wanted to imply in any way that Bristol, who was knocked up in her teen years by a dunderhead north woods hunk, had anything to do with an intelligent discussion of birth control. He realizes that if Bristol had known anything about birth control, she would not be where she is today, an alumnus of Dancing with the Stars and soon to be starring in her own reality show. She would be as studiously ignored as the rest of the children of Fox News talking heads if she hadn't given her all to another horny teenager in a moment of fumbling, unprotected joy in some barnyard on the Alaskan tundra, and later given birth to a child who, were it not for the economic collapse of 2008, would have been only a fetal heartbeat away from being the bastard grandchild of the Vice President of the United States. One single condom being ripped from its packaging at that crucial moment might have resulted in her being a nonentity today, and the President understands that Bristol finds any mention of that possibility offensive.
The President also wishes to apologize to Sarah Palin because Bill Maher called her a word that rhymes with the term for the smallest puppy in a litter. The President does not refer to Ms. Palin by this word. The worst thing Mr. Obama has ever said about Bristol's mom is that when she does that winking thing at her audience, she looks like a past-her-prime hooker in a hotel bar.
By the way, I referred to Bristol Palin as "Snooki of the North," in a previous post. Snooki, who gained fame by drinking and intercoursing in hot tubs with multiple partners, hardly deserves to be compared to these bleating Republican sexpots who hunger after public attention like starving Somalians after a truckload of Red Cross rice. My turn to apologize. Sorry, Snooki.
Palin felt she was entitled to the apology because her mom's friend Rush Limbaugh had called fifteen-minute-of-famer Sandra Fluke a "slut," after she was not allowed to testify at a Congressional hearing on health insurance coverage for birth control pills.
The full text of the apology is reprinted below:
The President wishes to apologize to Bristol Palin. He never wanted to imply in any way that Bristol, who was knocked up in her teen years by a dunderhead north woods hunk, had anything to do with an intelligent discussion of birth control. He realizes that if Bristol had known anything about birth control, she would not be where she is today, an alumnus of Dancing with the Stars and soon to be starring in her own reality show. She would be as studiously ignored as the rest of the children of Fox News talking heads if she hadn't given her all to another horny teenager in a moment of fumbling, unprotected joy in some barnyard on the Alaskan tundra, and later given birth to a child who, were it not for the economic collapse of 2008, would have been only a fetal heartbeat away from being the bastard grandchild of the Vice President of the United States. One single condom being ripped from its packaging at that crucial moment might have resulted in her being a nonentity today, and the President understands that Bristol finds any mention of that possibility offensive.
The President also wishes to apologize to Sarah Palin because Bill Maher called her a word that rhymes with the term for the smallest puppy in a litter. The President does not refer to Ms. Palin by this word. The worst thing Mr. Obama has ever said about Bristol's mom is that when she does that winking thing at her audience, she looks like a past-her-prime hooker in a hotel bar.
By the way, I referred to Bristol Palin as "Snooki of the North," in a previous post. Snooki, who gained fame by drinking and intercoursing in hot tubs with multiple partners, hardly deserves to be compared to these bleating Republican sexpots who hunger after public attention like starving Somalians after a truckload of Red Cross rice. My turn to apologize. Sorry, Snooki.
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