“It just seemed like a good idea at the time,” said a spokesperson who commented on condition of anonymity. “Going forward, the President expects to act in a racially evenhanded way for the remainder of his term in office.”
The President’s critics were not satisfied. Former Grand Wizard of the Klu Klux Klan David Duke issued a statement that read “It’s about time Obama admitted he began our era of racial dissatisfaction. But what about anti-Semitism? I mean, where did that come from, if not from the current Administration?"
“Obama might as well admit he started racial profiling as well,” said Maricopa County Sherriff Joe “Sherriff Joe” Arpaio. “I don’t remember anybody being accused of racial profiling before he took office. He needs to own that, too.”
Kentucky clerk Kim Davis, who became a national figure by refusing to grant gay couples marriage licenses, was quick to point out Obama’s fingerprints on homophobia. “Neither I nor nobody else I know hated homos before Obama took office,” the spirited Christian lady was quoted as saying.
North Carolina Governor Pat McCroy, proponent of that state’s transgender bathroom ban, flatly stated that Obama invented transgenderism. “Never even saw none of them he-she’s till that feller became President. Ain’t no coincidence in my book.”
Ex-FOX head honcho Roger Ailes chimed in as well. "Obama started sexual harassment, too. Why won't he admit that? Before him, American working broads didn't mind a slap on the ass or a quick goose at the water cooler a bit."
As of this writing, the White House had not responded to this column’s request for comment.