This immigrant is from Valhalla, which is not a shithole After Trump remarked that he wanted to encourage more people to immigrate to the United States from Norway, many Norwegians responded enthusiastically.
A strapping, blue-eyed, blonde haired descendant of Vikings, Kåre Sørensen, was interviewed by this reporter, while he was waiting in line to obtain one of the new RKP (Right Kind of People) working visas now being issued by the US Embassy in Oslo. The line stretched around the block. When asked why so many Norwegians wanted to emigrate to the US, he replied at length, in adorably accented English:
“There are so many reasons, ya? Guns, for one. Here in Norway, we no buy guns legally. That’s because of one little mass murder, ya? In America, every time there is a mass murder, people buy more guns. The first thing I’m going to do in USA is buy gun. Next, I go get American college degree. I already get Norway college degree for free, but I want to go at least $150,000 dollars in debt to get American liberal arts degree, which will qualify me for job like knocking on people’s doors to see if they want to change cable providers.
“I am also so sick of Norway health care system. Here, you feel sick, you go to the doctor, he make you better and charge you nothing. That is boring. In America you have exciting deductibles, copays, and maximum out of pocket expenses! Or else you go bankrupt or die, or both. That is E-ticket! Plus, Norway has very stable pension for you when you old. In America, you have Social Security, which politicians are always threatening to make small, so you also have 401 k, which can get wiped out every time market bubble bursts! That is way to go, ya!”
Kåre, right now I’m thinking you’re lucky you don’t have to take an IQ test to get into the US. What’s the real reason you want to be an American?
“Ok, you got me. Real reason is that I am sick of umlauts, ya? Norwegian language lousy with them. Look at my name. And those strikethrough Ø’s? Fuggetaboutem. I want to live in free country. Free of umlauts, that is.”
So you really want to come to America to escape Norwegian punctuation?
"Yes."
You realize that makes you a refugee, right?
"Really? Oh, no. Oh, I am so screwed."
A strapping, blue-eyed, blonde haired descendant of Vikings, Kåre Sørensen, was interviewed by this reporter, while he was waiting in line to obtain one of the new RKP (Right Kind of People) working visas now being issued by the US Embassy in Oslo. The line stretched around the block. When asked why so many Norwegians wanted to emigrate to the US, he replied at length, in adorably accented English:
“There are so many reasons, ya? Guns, for one. Here in Norway, we no buy guns legally. That’s because of one little mass murder, ya? In America, every time there is a mass murder, people buy more guns. The first thing I’m going to do in USA is buy gun. Next, I go get American college degree. I already get Norway college degree for free, but I want to go at least $150,000 dollars in debt to get American liberal arts degree, which will qualify me for job like knocking on people’s doors to see if they want to change cable providers.
“I am also so sick of Norway health care system. Here, you feel sick, you go to the doctor, he make you better and charge you nothing. That is boring. In America you have exciting deductibles, copays, and maximum out of pocket expenses! Or else you go bankrupt or die, or both. That is E-ticket! Plus, Norway has very stable pension for you when you old. In America, you have Social Security, which politicians are always threatening to make small, so you also have 401 k, which can get wiped out every time market bubble bursts! That is way to go, ya!”
Kåre, right now I’m thinking you’re lucky you don’t have to take an IQ test to get into the US. What’s the real reason you want to be an American?
“Ok, you got me. Real reason is that I am sick of umlauts, ya? Norwegian language lousy with them. Look at my name. And those strikethrough Ø’s? Fuggetaboutem. I want to live in free country. Free of umlauts, that is.”
So you really want to come to America to escape Norwegian punctuation?
"Yes."
You realize that makes you a refugee, right?
"Really? Oh, no. Oh, I am so screwed."
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