“Talk about a charm offensive,” said one State Department analyst, who wished to remain anonymous. “Now instead of exchanging threats about seas of fire, pathways to annihilation and the utter destruction of all its enemies, North Korea has turned itself into a refuge for those America seeks to deport. The Dreamers can now dream of living in North Korea, although they would be well-advised to bring their own snacks.
“Trump immediately wanted to go tit-for-tat with Un, as he usually does, by declaring America a sanctuary state for any of Un’s relatives the fat kid hasn’t machine-gunned yet, but was frustrated when he found out that is in fact our national policy, and to add insult to injury, was put in place by Obama. Currently he’s following his pattern of brooding about a perceived insult. Probably his next step will be to commit an act of executive overreach on Twitter. In the meantime, Un is basking in the glow of international approval.”
Wow. Do you think Un has another move in him?
‘I wouldn’t be surprised if he offers aid after America’s next not-caused-by-climate-change huge hurricane, which looks like it might be next week. I mean, North Korea doesn't have much to export besides dust, but guess what you don’t have a lot of after a hurricane?
Or a lot of demand for it.
“The symbolic gesture is what counts for North Korea. I mean, this is a nation that’s proud of being able to hit the Pacific Ocean with a missile.”
Do you think that the Un will ease sanctions on North Korea, now that Kim’s turning into an international sweetheart?
“I don’t know about that. There’s a lot of cynicism about North Korean motives at the UN. Some diplomats are whispering that Un is making this move merely to get a few taco trucks parked in Pyongyang. There’s no place there that serves a decent enchilada right now, and it's obvious being an international pariah makes Un hungry.”
So, do you think now that North Korea has declared itself a sanctuary state, many of America’s undocumented workers will take advantage of the offer and move there?
“Once again, I don’t know. Would you rather live under the constant threat of deportation or move to a famine-stricken wasteland? That’s a very personal decision, but Kim Jong Un has made it possible. All undocumented Americans are welcome there. Especially if they bring some uranium with them.”