All is now well, however, as Instagram caved in and welcomed Rihanna back on board. "Not that any of our other subscribers are allowed to get naked on the site, but we must make allowances for Rihanna,' an Instagram spokesman said."The girl can't help it if she just happens to own way more transparent dresses than the average narcissistic pop star."
Apparently the reconciliation between Rihanna and Instagram did not happen a minute too soon. Fashion designer Tom Ford has called the singer's Instagram account "more influential than any fashion review."
In an interview with Style.com, he said, "Something new is happening that I'm just clueing (sic) into now-this probably won't go down well-but customers don't care any more about reviews or hard-copy publications. They care what picture Rihanna just Instagrammed while she's naked in bed, what new shoes she has on, how she's talking about them. That's what they respond to."
This column was skeptical that one self-absorbed vocalist's Internet pics had raced past such fashion organs as Elle, Marie Claire and Cosmopolitan in terms of global fashion influence, but a quick check on style-conscious individuals world-wide demonstrated that Ford was essentially correct.
POPE FRANCIS: "In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti—hey, looks like Rihanna's taking pics of herself rolling around in the sack again. Love the material on that pillowcase she has placed coyly on her buns. Remind me to have a couple fresh cassocks made in that tawny orange silk."
STEVEN HAWKING: "Without the Instagram account, mere quantum theory cannot answer the naked—not naked Rihanna postulate. In other words, Rihanna can be both naked and not naked until the pic is posted. Then, and only then, when Rihanna is observed, can physics obtain a definitive answer, such as yes, she is bare-assed again. Event horizon, black hole, dark matter, expanding multiverse, etc., etc."
ASTRONAUTS ON THE INTERNATIONAL SPACE STATION: "Every hour and a half in orbit we pass over Rihanna's bedroom. Without Instagram we would have no idea whether she was clothed or not. When we log in and discover that she is, in fact, wearing nothing but the bedsheets again, a mere two hundred sixty miles below us, we all high-five and and say 'Yo, yo, yo, yo, dawg!' It really breaks the tedium of being up here for what seems like friggin' forever."
ISIS FIGHTERS OUTSIDE KOBANI, SYRIA: "Die, infidels! Die, crusaders! Die all drone pilots for being puppets of Satan! Die, helpless Kurds! Die, women who do not wear the niqab! Be cursed in hell, all other enemies of the Caliphate! May your blood be a mighty river of woe, in which all of your children drown! Oh, Rihanna posted again! Check it out, jihadist bros! By the beard of Allah, those shoes are f*cking kewl!"
There you have it. It's all about Rihanna. Somebody better tell Kanye West.