No part of this controversy makes el Musko look any more on the ball than falling out of a porta-potty without pulling up his pants, which makes me wonder why he’s doing it. He had a pretty great life up until now, getting to be the richest guy on Earth when Jeff Bezos took a weekend off from squeezing money out of Amazon Prime. He went into space with a bunch of his bros, let his wang hang out in the stratosphere, and had thousands of followers on Twitter who thought he was the inspiration for “Revenge of the Nerds.” Why blow all that up to pursue the single-minded life of a squalling attention whore?
The answer is, he had everything besides the title of Most Blatantly Obvious Lying, Self-Centered Prick on the Planet. That title belongs to the former Caucasian-in-Chief, and he’s not giving it up anytime soon. No sooner had Elon made his play to prove himself as emotionally crippled and singularly entitled as Trump, the Orange Object of Authoritarian Fantasies responded by calling him a “bullshit artist.”
That was game, match, set. Trump calling you a bullshit artist is like Zeus calling you a god. Or Steven Hawking saying you’re a genius.* Or Stormy Daniels calling you a great lay. It’s being knighted into the World Order of Bullshit. All E M had to do was accept the plaudit and bask in lifelong glory, because when Trump calls bullshit, he knows of what he speaks.
But Musk blundered past his moment of triumph, and, acting like a man unable to find his own dick with the James Webb Space Telescope, came back at Trump with a couple of singularly unoriginal insults, like “LMAO,” advised him to “sail into the sunset,” and proclaimed his affection for the newly ascendant Fresh-Faced Fascist, Ron DeSantis.
Now, Trump is not going to sail into the sunset. Odds are, he’s not going to be able to even see the sunset, unless his prison cell has a western view, for a couple of years, and if he escapes incarceration, he’s still not sailing anywhere. When you Google images of “Trump on boat,” you only get pics of people in Trump boat parades trying to sink each other. You can’t sail into the sunset if you can’t get on a boat without hurling, which I suspect is the case with America's Ex.
Musk will be okay, too. He can afford to take a billion-dollar hit. There’s so many Teslas out here in CA you can barely leave the house without having to park next to one.
If I'm nearby and see someone getting in or out of one, I always say, “I love those new Mazdas,” to them.
Just to see the looks on their faces, my peeps.
*I realize Zeus does not exist and Hawking is dead. Want to see my literary license?