The Udens had been living in rural Missouri since the early 1980s, and neighbors said they were a friendly couple and lived a quiet life. “They’re the kind of neighbors you leaned over the fence and talked about your chickens with,” neighbor Allen Bishop told KSPR-TV. But it turns out they harbored a shocking secret: according to police, the couple killed their ex-spouses and had been hiding out in a remote location for years...from Time Magazine .
What the cops aren't saying about this fun couple is whether they were involved in killing each other's spouses or they just found each other and discovered they had mutual homicidal tendencies. Since the Mrs. sent her then-hubbie to his eternal reward in 1974, and it wasn't until 1980 that the Mr. decided one wife was one too many, it seems likely that each had already dispatched a life partner before they even met and found connubial satisfaction together.
I mean, it's one thing to discover you favor the same TV shows or brand of mouthwash, but to find out that each of you had a soul-rotting secret that would destroy your future together if the cops ever found out—well, that's bedrock for marital bliss. Imagine the Udens, in the rosy glow of their hideaway home in Missouri, where they were eventually arrested after many years of contented cohabitation, discussing their first date:
HE: Well, it's been thirty years now, Snugglebottom. Do you remember when we met?
SHE: Oh, so well, Sweetums. But how fate turns!
HE: If I hadn't had that flat tire...
SHE: I would never have opened my trunk to lend you my jack.
HE: And we wouldn't have discovered that we each carried a bag of quicklime and a sturdy shovel at all times!
SHE: Then the floodgates really opened. We discovered we had so many likes and dislikes in common!
HE: Yes. I remember telling you how much I like people shutting up when I ask them to.
SHE: Yes, and when I said I like walking alone in the woods until I found a remote location with soft, spongy soil, you should have seen the twinkle in your eyes!
HE: And we both disliked the same things, too. Persistent investigators, paper trails, latent DNA evidence...
SHE: Don't forget extradition laws! And corpse dogs!
HE: When I said I hated both good cops and bad cops, you just smiled.
SHE: That's when I knew. (They move closer together. Their lips are almost touching. Suddenly, there is an abrupt knocking at the door)
SHE: (Alarmed) Do you think...?
HE: Naw. Probably just the neighbors wanting to talk about their damn chickens again.