Utah has declared porn a public health crisis. The resolution was passed unanimously by the porn warriors of the Utah Legislature and signed into law by Utah’s governor. State Senator Todd Weiler, the author of the measure, maintains that the bill “is not a ban on porn or an attack on masturbation.”
This is political wisdom, because estimates of porn viewing and masturbation per capita in the Beehive State range as high as every person in it. For certain every male person. Doubly certain every legislator. In fact, the act of operating a legislature has often been compared to masturbation, in terms of actual significant achievements accomplished during a typical session.
The legislation was inspired by the Mormon Church, which views “porn addiction” as a plague that is destroying society. How do you become a porn addict? Just watch porn once (and presumably polish your bayonet while doing so) and you are a full-fledged porn junkie, according to the Latter Day Saints, comparable to a meth head or a heroin addict, except your habit doesn’t cost money, lead to crime or destroy your health. There are actual porn rehabs in Utah, where the faithful can go to get the porn monkey off their backs. The Twelve Steps to Recovery promoted by Alcoholics Anonymous have been condensed for Wankers Anonymous to one:
Keep your pants on while sitting at your computer.
The state legislature of Utah was no doubt inspired by the Republicans of Congress, who are themselves embroiled in a titanic struggle to keep Planned Parenthood from selling baby parts, which Planned Parenthood doesn’t do.
All the evidence that PP sells baby bits consists of one video faked up by a guy who is now under indictment for it. That didn't stop Republicans in Congress from forming a committee last October to investigate it. How long will it be before Congress stops investigating something that didn’t happen? The answer is, not yet.
The anger at Planned Parenthood selling baby parts grows every day it becomes more obvious that they’ve never sold baby parts, and that rage at something that never happened is being stoked by Committee Chairperson Marsha Blackburn, previously mentioned here for challenging President Obama to a skeet-shooting contest, who knows that if you are not intensely concerned with at least one nonexistent problem, you are not a real American and might as well join ISIS.
There are Democrats on the Select Investigative Panel on Infant Lives. They want to quit and go home, but Marsha won’t let them. Why? “She’s a fucktard,” one of the Democrats explained.
In the meantime, abortion remains legal, but many people, mostly Republicans, want to make it illegal again, except in the cases of pregnancies caused by rape or incest, or if the life of the mother is in danger.
Or if you’re really, really worried your unborn child will grow up to be a porn addict.
This is political wisdom, because estimates of porn viewing and masturbation per capita in the Beehive State range as high as every person in it. For certain every male person. Doubly certain every legislator. In fact, the act of operating a legislature has often been compared to masturbation, in terms of actual significant achievements accomplished during a typical session.
The legislation was inspired by the Mormon Church, which views “porn addiction” as a plague that is destroying society. How do you become a porn addict? Just watch porn once (and presumably polish your bayonet while doing so) and you are a full-fledged porn junkie, according to the Latter Day Saints, comparable to a meth head or a heroin addict, except your habit doesn’t cost money, lead to crime or destroy your health. There are actual porn rehabs in Utah, where the faithful can go to get the porn monkey off their backs. The Twelve Steps to Recovery promoted by Alcoholics Anonymous have been condensed for Wankers Anonymous to one:
Keep your pants on while sitting at your computer.
The state legislature of Utah was no doubt inspired by the Republicans of Congress, who are themselves embroiled in a titanic struggle to keep Planned Parenthood from selling baby parts, which Planned Parenthood doesn’t do.
All the evidence that PP sells baby bits consists of one video faked up by a guy who is now under indictment for it. That didn't stop Republicans in Congress from forming a committee last October to investigate it. How long will it be before Congress stops investigating something that didn’t happen? The answer is, not yet.
The anger at Planned Parenthood selling baby parts grows every day it becomes more obvious that they’ve never sold baby parts, and that rage at something that never happened is being stoked by Committee Chairperson Marsha Blackburn, previously mentioned here for challenging President Obama to a skeet-shooting contest, who knows that if you are not intensely concerned with at least one nonexistent problem, you are not a real American and might as well join ISIS.
There are Democrats on the Select Investigative Panel on Infant Lives. They want to quit and go home, but Marsha won’t let them. Why? “She’s a fucktard,” one of the Democrats explained.
In the meantime, abortion remains legal, but many people, mostly Republicans, want to make it illegal again, except in the cases of pregnancies caused by rape or incest, or if the life of the mother is in danger.
Or if you’re really, really worried your unborn child will grow up to be a porn addict.
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