And when Disney World refused to stop saying gay, he revoked all the cozy deals the state had made to get Disney to come there in the first place. Thus did DeSantis think he had slain the dragon of wokery, and he went off to Iowa to brag about it.
But while Meatball Ron was boasting on his triumphs, not only against the Magic Kingdom, but against immigrants, drag queens, school libraries and old black guys that tried to vote, Disney World struck back, and when Ron’s attention was drawn to measuring the White House shades, the children of Walt filed a few reports, had a couple meetings, and got all their cozy deals back.
“That’s about what you should have expected,” a Disney PR man told me. “People think of Mickey Mouse and they think of Steamboat Willie and Mickey’s disastrous role as the Sorcerer’s Apprentice, but what they don’t know is that the Mouse is one of the finest legal minds in the United States, especially when it comes to property law and sixteen-dollar cheeseburgers.
“And Minnie is the Gloria Allred of rodent attorneys, tough, sharp, and with that reserve of sneering feminism that made the governor’s legal squad wet their pants.
“Goofy? Everyone says he’s not the sharpest member of the team, but when he pulls that ‘Oh, garsh,’ routine and starts shuffling his feet in front of any jury, you’ve lost that case, my friend.
“Huey, Dewey and Louie Duck are the detail members of the office. They churned out the research that made Disney World’s case implacably strong. And Disney never had to worry about the deep pockets of the state of Florida exhausting their resources, because the company has always been financially backstopped by Scrooge McDuck. Sure, you might think of McDuck as just a harmless old drake who enjoys bathing in tubs full of gold coins, but that’s what the New World Order wants you to think. In reality, he’s the George Soros of the Happiest Place on Earth. He’s got his bill in nearly every liberal cause there is, and is a bottomless source of funding for Critical Poultry Theory, especially as it applies to wealthy mallards.
“So, nobody should be surprised that they took on a bunch of guys from Swampy University Law School, or wherever it is that DeSantis gets his legal team, and cleaned their clocks. It’s a happy outcome for all Americans. They can sleep easy knowing that any time they want, they can go to Orlando and have all the fun they want for seven or eight hundred dollars a day, for a family of three, plus maybe three hundred extra for each additional child.”
I’ll keep that in mind. Do you think DeSantis has learned anything from being bamboozled by Disney?
“Hope at least he’s decided not to mess with Warner Brothers.”