The controversy over the cover of Newsweek featuring Presidential candidate Michele Bachmann puzzles me, since she looks exactly the same in it as she does in all her other pictures, her translucently spooky eyes brimming with insane fervor.
Why does she look that way? Many people who want what Michele Bachmann wants for this country, i.e., a return to an America where black, female, gay and non-Christian Americans stayed in their places, whether it was their slums, their kitchens, their closets or just keeping their mouths shut while the majority religion displayed its symbols and uttered its prayers under color of authority, seem to have been appalled by the Newsweek cover.
"She says all the right things," they whisper among themselves. "Why does Newsweek make her look like a bonk-ass loony?"
The answer is that it has nothing to do with Newsweek. You, too, can achieve the Michele Bachmann optic glow. Here's how:
Think to yourself about all the wonderful things science does for you. It provides you with the monstrous SUV you drive to church, the television on which you watch Fox News, the Internet social networks where you find and keep the company of other bigots and religious zealots like yourself.
Science vaccinated your children. It provided guidance to the bounteous farms and abundant ranches that nourished them. It built the highways you travel. It air-conditions your Sunbelt home, so you can stand to live in the same climate as the Mexican immigrants about whom you complain.
If it has not already done so, it is likely that science will someday provide treatment for a medical condition that would have killed you, had you been born in an earlier time. You'll owe it your life.
So bow your head and thank God for making these scientists absolutely right about every aspect of your life that makes it comfortable and satisfying, even possible. Close your eyes now, and say "Thank you, God for making human beings so brilliant that they were 100% correct about everything that makes 21st century existence unimaginably safer and easier than living at any time before in history. I accept their guidance every time my computer boots up and my microwave dings. I trust my life to them every time I fly or get an MRI, and accept all that they say as beneficent wisdom EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY TELL ME ANYTHING I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IN, LIKE EVOLUTION AND GLOBAL WARMING. AMEN."
Meditate upon this for as long as it takes for it to make sense. It could be a while. Now look in the mirror. If you've convinced yourself, you've got Michele Bachmann eyes.
Why does she look that way? Many people who want what Michele Bachmann wants for this country, i.e., a return to an America where black, female, gay and non-Christian Americans stayed in their places, whether it was their slums, their kitchens, their closets or just keeping their mouths shut while the majority religion displayed its symbols and uttered its prayers under color of authority, seem to have been appalled by the Newsweek cover.
"She says all the right things," they whisper among themselves. "Why does Newsweek make her look like a bonk-ass loony?"
The answer is that it has nothing to do with Newsweek. You, too, can achieve the Michele Bachmann optic glow. Here's how:
Think to yourself about all the wonderful things science does for you. It provides you with the monstrous SUV you drive to church, the television on which you watch Fox News, the Internet social networks where you find and keep the company of other bigots and religious zealots like yourself.
Science vaccinated your children. It provided guidance to the bounteous farms and abundant ranches that nourished them. It built the highways you travel. It air-conditions your Sunbelt home, so you can stand to live in the same climate as the Mexican immigrants about whom you complain.
If it has not already done so, it is likely that science will someday provide treatment for a medical condition that would have killed you, had you been born in an earlier time. You'll owe it your life.
So bow your head and thank God for making these scientists absolutely right about every aspect of your life that makes it comfortable and satisfying, even possible. Close your eyes now, and say "Thank you, God for making human beings so brilliant that they were 100% correct about everything that makes 21st century existence unimaginably safer and easier than living at any time before in history. I accept their guidance every time my computer boots up and my microwave dings. I trust my life to them every time I fly or get an MRI, and accept all that they say as beneficent wisdom EXCEPT FOR WHEN THEY TELL ME ANYTHING I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE IN, LIKE EVOLUTION AND GLOBAL WARMING. AMEN."
Meditate upon this for as long as it takes for it to make sense. It could be a while. Now look in the mirror. If you've convinced yourself, you've got Michele Bachmann eyes.
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