Apparently, the Trumpers have heard this criticism and been stung by it, because now Trump has a plan for after his supposed re-election, besides giving himself a get-out-of-jail-free card. He is going to build ten “Freedom Cities,” high in the air above federal land, which will all bear a significant resemblance to Orbit City, the future home of George Jetson, complete down to the flying cars.
“Yeah, why don’t the Democrats give us something useful, like flying cars instead of all that health care shit they’re always pushing down our throats?,” says the typical Trump voter, who nowadays only flies when he cooks up a really good batch of crystal meth. His license is currently suspended due to a couple of at-fault accidents and a DUI he got while four-wheeling in the swamp, but his flying car record is unblemished and he can’t wait to get behind the joystick of a Jetsonmobile.
Of course, we have flying cars, or to be precise, small personal aircraft, now. The reason they don’t dominate the transportation market is that they fly. Piloting yourself in three dimensions thousands of feet in the air is a way more serious business than rolling your wheels down to the Quick Mart to buy some vape juice, which you can easily do drunk, with your glove compartment stuffed with weed, expired registrations, and unpaid tickets, just on the off chance you can make the cut on On Patrol Live. On the streets of Virginia, a hypothetical fender-bender between Kellyanne Conway and Kimberly Guilfoyle would only result in each of them lying about who was at fault, but in Freedom City, it would result in a fiery plunge to the ground, and both of these legendary sources of prevarication would have their voices stilled forever.
And don’t just say, “so what?” Another one of Trump’s plans for Orbit City is that he will pay white people to have babies. He doesn’t actually say “white people,” but you know what he means. High above the ground, Caucasian-Americans will clutch their paid-for children, letting them go only to scream, “Get away from that window!” every five minutes.
Whether this will work or not nobody knows. Probably depend on the money involved. If Trump tries to low-ball the Future White Dads and Moms of the USA, they’ll probably just say, “Naw…I’ll just buy me some Bitcoin instead.”
The height of Trump Orbit Cities is obviously meant to discourage refugees from climbing aboard, which won’t work unless you add some really dark real-estate accoutrements, like spikes and boiling oil gutters on the legs of Freedom Place. Even then, the moment Rosie the Robot goes out of warranty, some smiling Salvadorean housekeeper will appear magically at the elevator, ready to take her place.
So, we’ve discovered some flaws here, but don’t expect that to stop Trump from trying, even if it just results in a heap of rust somewhere in the Midwest, kind of like his wall did for the Southwest.
If you really want to make a mess of it, put Elon Musk in charge.