Louie Gohmert, the low-in-the-Q’s perpetual Congressman from West Texas, has obviously had it with newcomer idiots Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor-Greene. He must have felt the title of Head Clown of Capitol Hill slipping out of his grasp at the antics of the new girls in town. The lightning bolts of boneheadedness in DC were no longer bursting solely out of his office.
Boebert had proclaimed that you can’t rewrite the Constitution, despite rewrites on the Founding Document that gave her the right to vote and become a Congressperson. She ran for office solely on a platform of wearing her favorite pair of tight jeans in front of racks of AR-15's, and has since introduced—yep, you guessed it--a Constitutional amendment.
And she did go to Congress, because the people of her district said, “Hell, I don’t care if that girl just got her GED. She owns more guns than she does pairs of pants. That’s the kind of representation we need in Washington.”
Greene went to the House because she was tired of threatening school shooting survivors and wanted to threaten other people, mostly female (AOC and the Squad, Pelosi), members of Congress. She also believes in guns. And Jewish space lasers.
Gohmert was obviously discomfited at losing his perennial front-runner status as a publicly-elected lamebrain. It was like the Yankees falling behind a pair of expansion teams. Gohmert needed a bold move to retake the lead and on Tuesday he made it, by asking an official in the US Forest Service if the Service, or perhaps BLM, could change the orbits of the Earth or the Moon to combat climate change.
And, hey, valid question, especially to a Tea Party stalwart like Gohmert. If you can't change the orbits of heavenly bodies, why have a government at all?
Also, that’s BLM as in Bureau of Land Management, not Black Lives Matter. If Black Lives Matter wanted to change the orbit of the Earth, Gohmert would be strenuously against it. For sure. Forest Service rep Jennifer Eberlien replied that she would have to get back to him on that question.
This showed a either lot of self-discipline or cowardice on Eberlien’s part, because she should have just burst into laughter, tears and perhaps a sustained rolling on the hearing room floor until sedation was called for.
Or she could have pointed out that changing the Earth’s orbit even a few miles would require installing a rocket about a trillion times bigger than any we currently have at the South Pole and burning the world’s entire stock of fossil fuels in it at once, resulting in both incomprehensible pollution and all of Gohmert’s constituents in West Texas having to buy solar-powered pickup trucks and electric tractors anyway. Or that moving the Moon wouldn’t have much effect on climate, but if you moved it closer, the tides that wash into the streets of Miami now would be much higher, maybe sloshing over all the way to the Everglades.
She could have asked Gohmert why she was putting pressure on the Forest Service to change the Earth’s orbit when the job would logically fall to NASA, although maybe she was afraid Gohmert would answer, “Honey, all NASA does is fly helicopters on Mars. I’m looking for an agency that has a lot of earth-moving equipment already.”
I know people work long and hard and kiss startling amounts of ass to get government jobs so high-placed that they get to testify before Congress, and once they have them, they think that keeping them means being very circumspect about what they say. Eberlien is one of them. I’m not, which is why I never testify before Congress. I would have told Gohmert, “Buy me a bean burrito and wait an hour, and I’ll be able to flush something smarter than that question.”
But Louie wouldn’t care. He’s back on top.
Boebert had proclaimed that you can’t rewrite the Constitution, despite rewrites on the Founding Document that gave her the right to vote and become a Congressperson. She ran for office solely on a platform of wearing her favorite pair of tight jeans in front of racks of AR-15's, and has since introduced—yep, you guessed it--a Constitutional amendment.
And she did go to Congress, because the people of her district said, “Hell, I don’t care if that girl just got her GED. She owns more guns than she does pairs of pants. That’s the kind of representation we need in Washington.”
Greene went to the House because she was tired of threatening school shooting survivors and wanted to threaten other people, mostly female (AOC and the Squad, Pelosi), members of Congress. She also believes in guns. And Jewish space lasers.
Gohmert was obviously discomfited at losing his perennial front-runner status as a publicly-elected lamebrain. It was like the Yankees falling behind a pair of expansion teams. Gohmert needed a bold move to retake the lead and on Tuesday he made it, by asking an official in the US Forest Service if the Service, or perhaps BLM, could change the orbits of the Earth or the Moon to combat climate change.
And, hey, valid question, especially to a Tea Party stalwart like Gohmert. If you can't change the orbits of heavenly bodies, why have a government at all?
Also, that’s BLM as in Bureau of Land Management, not Black Lives Matter. If Black Lives Matter wanted to change the orbit of the Earth, Gohmert would be strenuously against it. For sure. Forest Service rep Jennifer Eberlien replied that she would have to get back to him on that question.
This showed a either lot of self-discipline or cowardice on Eberlien’s part, because she should have just burst into laughter, tears and perhaps a sustained rolling on the hearing room floor until sedation was called for.
Or she could have pointed out that changing the Earth’s orbit even a few miles would require installing a rocket about a trillion times bigger than any we currently have at the South Pole and burning the world’s entire stock of fossil fuels in it at once, resulting in both incomprehensible pollution and all of Gohmert’s constituents in West Texas having to buy solar-powered pickup trucks and electric tractors anyway. Or that moving the Moon wouldn’t have much effect on climate, but if you moved it closer, the tides that wash into the streets of Miami now would be much higher, maybe sloshing over all the way to the Everglades.
She could have asked Gohmert why she was putting pressure on the Forest Service to change the Earth’s orbit when the job would logically fall to NASA, although maybe she was afraid Gohmert would answer, “Honey, all NASA does is fly helicopters on Mars. I’m looking for an agency that has a lot of earth-moving equipment already.”
I know people work long and hard and kiss startling amounts of ass to get government jobs so high-placed that they get to testify before Congress, and once they have them, they think that keeping them means being very circumspect about what they say. Eberlien is one of them. I’m not, which is why I never testify before Congress. I would have told Gohmert, “Buy me a bean burrito and wait an hour, and I’ll be able to flush something smarter than that question.”
But Louie wouldn’t care. He’s back on top.
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