Takes credit for Iranian prisoner, sailor release
Veteran Republican political operator Joe Redstate called me the other night. “I’m tingling all over,” were the first words out of his mouth.
Geez, Joe, that could be diabetes. You’d better get yourself checked out.
“I’m speaking metaphorically, dude. The Iowa caucuses are almost here! The first step towards Republican control of everything!”
Yeah, well, maybe, Joe. So far the Republican candidates haven’t impressed many people besides themselves.
“What are you talking about? Our leader in the polls…”
You’re talking Trump, right?
“Yep. He finally did something really Presidential. Part of being a Presidential candidate, especially a Republican one, is finding some blatant nonsense and making it your own. You remember when Mitt Romney claimed he saved the auto industry by opposing the bailout that actually did save those guys? Trump could have claimed he was the reason the economy is so much better now than when Obama took office. Never mind the Prez and the Fed. He could have said he fixed it just by not being a loser, and the voters would have cheered their assent. But Trump took the foreign policy route--he just announced he was the reason those Iranian prisoners got released. And he was the reason we got our boats and sailors back when they drifted into Iranian waters.”
A lot of people are under the impression the current President did that, I must admit.
“Bah! That weakling! Left to his own devices, he would have let the situation drag on forever, like the embassy hostages, the Pueblo, or that spy crew Bush had to beg back from the Chinese. You saw how it started out, with those Navy guys on their knees with their hands above their heads. Utterly humiliating.”
Sure. Because when people surrender to American forces, we usually just high-five them and give them a man-hug.
“I’m not following you there. But then those Persian bastards starting thinking to themselves that in about a year, we’re going to have to deal with President Trump. That’s what started the wheels of freedom turning for all those men. Sixteen hours later, after an all-you-can eat goat taco dinner, they were released. Trump triumphant!”
So forget Obama and Kerry-- it was all fear of Trump that had the mullahs quivering in their sandals?
“That’s what the base thinks. Plus, Ted Cruz helped out by pointing out that sixteen hours was plenty of time to start World War III. If Trump wins, we Republicans feel Ted would make an excellent Secretary of State. We need a guy at State whose specialty is tearing up treaties, not negotiating them. Iran and anybody else who messes with the US of A will know that, under Republican leadership, this nation will not hesitate to once again pour a trillion dollars down some Middle Eastern hellhole. Bomb them until they love us—just because it didn’t work once doesn’t mean it’ll never work. Probably we just didn’t use enough bombs.”
Are you going to be part of the committee that writes the party platform this year, Joe?
“I hope so. I really want to use that line in it.”
Geez, Joe, that could be diabetes. You’d better get yourself checked out.
“I’m speaking metaphorically, dude. The Iowa caucuses are almost here! The first step towards Republican control of everything!”
Yeah, well, maybe, Joe. So far the Republican candidates haven’t impressed many people besides themselves.
“What are you talking about? Our leader in the polls…”
You’re talking Trump, right?
“Yep. He finally did something really Presidential. Part of being a Presidential candidate, especially a Republican one, is finding some blatant nonsense and making it your own. You remember when Mitt Romney claimed he saved the auto industry by opposing the bailout that actually did save those guys? Trump could have claimed he was the reason the economy is so much better now than when Obama took office. Never mind the Prez and the Fed. He could have said he fixed it just by not being a loser, and the voters would have cheered their assent. But Trump took the foreign policy route--he just announced he was the reason those Iranian prisoners got released. And he was the reason we got our boats and sailors back when they drifted into Iranian waters.”
A lot of people are under the impression the current President did that, I must admit.
“Bah! That weakling! Left to his own devices, he would have let the situation drag on forever, like the embassy hostages, the Pueblo, or that spy crew Bush had to beg back from the Chinese. You saw how it started out, with those Navy guys on their knees with their hands above their heads. Utterly humiliating.”
Sure. Because when people surrender to American forces, we usually just high-five them and give them a man-hug.
“I’m not following you there. But then those Persian bastards starting thinking to themselves that in about a year, we’re going to have to deal with President Trump. That’s what started the wheels of freedom turning for all those men. Sixteen hours later, after an all-you-can eat goat taco dinner, they were released. Trump triumphant!”
So forget Obama and Kerry-- it was all fear of Trump that had the mullahs quivering in their sandals?
“That’s what the base thinks. Plus, Ted Cruz helped out by pointing out that sixteen hours was plenty of time to start World War III. If Trump wins, we Republicans feel Ted would make an excellent Secretary of State. We need a guy at State whose specialty is tearing up treaties, not negotiating them. Iran and anybody else who messes with the US of A will know that, under Republican leadership, this nation will not hesitate to once again pour a trillion dollars down some Middle Eastern hellhole. Bomb them until they love us—just because it didn’t work once doesn’t mean it’ll never work. Probably we just didn’t use enough bombs.”
Are you going to be part of the committee that writes the party platform this year, Joe?
“I hope so. I really want to use that line in it.”
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