These and various other smooth moves have been employed in a serial fashion by His Honor on a navy rear admiral, a dean at San Diego State University and his own communications director, along with others. Despite being urged to resign, the Mayor has instead sentenced himself to two weeks of intensive therapy.
Yep, it's ass-grab rehab for Bob Filner. It's going to take two weeks of intensive therapy for him to figure out that you should only fondle a woman's buttocks if she makes it clear she would enjoy that sort of attention. Just palming random hiney does not make you more popular with the girls. Quite the opposite. Frankly, you should have figured this out by the time you were seventy, Mr. Mayor. Right now, you're just another unnecessary proof that you can't be too stupid to have a successful political career here in America.
I can save you two weeks here, Bob, if you'll just pay attention. A woman who wants you to touch her gives off certain signs. She smiles. She lowers her eyelids. She stands closer to you than she has to. Her whole body becomes a signal that she wants to be moved in on. Most guys have figured this out before they reach the age of fifty or sixty. You, sir, were apparently riding the short school bus while the rest of us learned how to initiate a physical relationship legally. It is definitely time for you to stop relying on your instincts. They're faulty, and it's too late for you to learn the more subtle cues. At this point in your life and career, you should just remember and obey just one rule when it comes to gripping booty:
If she grabs your ass first, then it's ok to grab hers.
Simple, right? Okay, on to the doorway-blocking thing. There's a certain age at which a male should stop using this particular flirtation method, and that age is 15. That's one followed by a five. I'm serious, Bob. If you're old enough to have a driver's license, you're old enough to let the girls go through any doorway they want, anytime they want to go. If you don't, it's creepy. Might even be downright rapey.
The "headlock" move? Nobody enjoys that, Bob. If God or Darwin wanted people to have their necks suddenly seized and their faces licked, dogs would have arms.
Are we clear here? Then let's go, Mr. Mayor. Go out there to the political wars and fight! Fight for what's right for San Diego. Keep you head focused for battle and your hands to yourself and you'll be fine. Go get 'em, Bob!
If I was actually on your team, I'd slap you on the butt.