House Bill 233 in the Tennessee House had an innocent beginning. It was just a simple, earnest attempt to re-instate hatred of gays into Tennessee law, a noble effort by the Tennessee legislature to follow the wishes of its constituents, who want to be able to discriminate against gays legally, as well as using the traditional Tennessee tools of gay-hating, like punching them out and hitting them with pickup trucks.
The bill would have established a form of contract marriage that GAYS WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO USE.
The caps are mine because passing this law would obviously result in a series of expensive lawsuits for the state to defend, which I predict Tennessee would lose. If the state won though, can’t you see Tennessee instituting a special form of marriage that only people of the same race could use?
I could, but this smug little package of gay-bashing really hit the national press because the writers of the act forgot to include an age limit in the original legislation, which meant that, while you would still have to be at least seventeen to get a regular marriage license in Tennessee, your grandpa could get contract married to his ten-year old girlfriend once the law passed.
Not only could any two middle-schoolers tie the knot, but any fifty-year-old guy with a Tesla could fulfill his dreams by picking up your fifteen-year-old daughter at any mall in the Volunteer State and get hitched to her with no notice to you, except maybe a polite note telling you the name of the hotel the newlyweds planned to stay at during their honeymoon in the Bahamas.
The answer to that “What is a woman?” question that Tennessee senator Marcia Blackburn asked Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearings would have been answered by the Senator’s very own legislature, and that answer would have been, “Anyone a horny gym teacher thinks is a woman.”
Once the story hit social media, though, the bill’s sponsors in the Legislature amended it to close the pedophiliac loophole, and returned the bill to its original sacred purpose, making gay people feel shitty about existing.
This the lawmakers of Tennessee would stoutly deny, naturally. They claim they are sponsoring the legislation so that churches in Tennessee that are religiously offended by gay marriage could demand that their marrying customers only use a hetero-exclusive license to get married between their walls, so that their union would be cleansed of any association with gay love.
This is a solution in search of a problem, as I cannot imagine any gay Tennesseans with wedlock in mind would want to be married under the baleful eye of the preacher at the Church of Our Lord’s Flowing Waters of Love in the Up Creek Holy Hollow.
They have other places to go. Just like Jesus wants.
The bill would have established a form of contract marriage that GAYS WOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO USE.
The caps are mine because passing this law would obviously result in a series of expensive lawsuits for the state to defend, which I predict Tennessee would lose. If the state won though, can’t you see Tennessee instituting a special form of marriage that only people of the same race could use?
I could, but this smug little package of gay-bashing really hit the national press because the writers of the act forgot to include an age limit in the original legislation, which meant that, while you would still have to be at least seventeen to get a regular marriage license in Tennessee, your grandpa could get contract married to his ten-year old girlfriend once the law passed.
Not only could any two middle-schoolers tie the knot, but any fifty-year-old guy with a Tesla could fulfill his dreams by picking up your fifteen-year-old daughter at any mall in the Volunteer State and get hitched to her with no notice to you, except maybe a polite note telling you the name of the hotel the newlyweds planned to stay at during their honeymoon in the Bahamas.
The answer to that “What is a woman?” question that Tennessee senator Marcia Blackburn asked Supreme Court nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson during her confirmation hearings would have been answered by the Senator’s very own legislature, and that answer would have been, “Anyone a horny gym teacher thinks is a woman.”
Once the story hit social media, though, the bill’s sponsors in the Legislature amended it to close the pedophiliac loophole, and returned the bill to its original sacred purpose, making gay people feel shitty about existing.
This the lawmakers of Tennessee would stoutly deny, naturally. They claim they are sponsoring the legislation so that churches in Tennessee that are religiously offended by gay marriage could demand that their marrying customers only use a hetero-exclusive license to get married between their walls, so that their union would be cleansed of any association with gay love.
This is a solution in search of a problem, as I cannot imagine any gay Tennesseans with wedlock in mind would want to be married under the baleful eye of the preacher at the Church of Our Lord’s Flowing Waters of Love in the Up Creek Holy Hollow.
They have other places to go. Just like Jesus wants.
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