State flag of SC. What's with the Muslim-looking moon? I got mugged recently. It was in the quiet town of Greenville, SC, which I had previously regarded as a standout community that is cute as a southern button. In fact, there is a subset of its native daughters that is truly blond, beautiful, tall and slim and desperately looking for the opportunity to get a chance to live somewhere else. So, an aside to the male readers–-show up in Greenville with some sort of appearance of being papered up, or even just reliable transport, and you will have your pick. I recommend the Whole Foods store for opportunistic mingling. The pizza is good and if selection is slim there, it's because they're all at the hot yoga place next door.`
There are only two nice towns in South Carolina. Been to most of the place and believe me if you are looking for southern charm in this most redneck of states there are only two places you can find it. Besides Greenville, there's Charleston, which is sort of an East Coast San Diego with fewer sailors and a bonus terrifying history of importing and processing slaves. Nice these days though, no matter where you fall on the melanin spectrum.
So anyway I was on the way back from dinner to my conveniently placed, walking distance hotel when I was soundly knocked on the back of the head. As my face hit the pavement things got a little confusing but I didn’t take long to realize what was up. Decided not to resist as my generally gnarly Philly upbringing would have prompted. The foot on my neck helped greatly in reaching this decision.
There were two of them. Uncertain why they picked me. I wouldn't have though myself a particularly good target. While not a big person I am in good shape, a man, and well, to put it bluntly, not an old woman grasping a promising looking bag.
I have been involved in scientific pursuits most of my life and, while I am not familiar with any scale matrix regarding muggings, I have graded the assault as follows:
Precision and Accuracy--A
Didn’t see it coming and no sloppy assailant footwork.
Method –A
See above.
Results –F
As violent attacks go, it was really quite polite. Not going to make it to the muggers Hall of Fame reel. Post it on YouTube, you might get a couple dozen hits.
Said crooks took my wallet and emptied it. They did leave it on the ground, though, so I still have it.
It was a short lived affair. I got up and walked back, cancelled my cards without financial misfortune. Typed for a while trying to figure out various passwords for the frequent flyer/hotel point cards. I thought about making a police report but went to bed instead. Seemed easier.
Lost about 30 bucks cash. Presume there is a new Confederate flag or case of Natural Light empties in front of a trailer somewhere in the Southern woods. Otherwise, I’ll trust karma to take care of the $30. Hopefully, they lose it at the cockfights.
There are only two nice towns in South Carolina. Been to most of the place and believe me if you are looking for southern charm in this most redneck of states there are only two places you can find it. Besides Greenville, there's Charleston, which is sort of an East Coast San Diego with fewer sailors and a bonus terrifying history of importing and processing slaves. Nice these days though, no matter where you fall on the melanin spectrum.
So anyway I was on the way back from dinner to my conveniently placed, walking distance hotel when I was soundly knocked on the back of the head. As my face hit the pavement things got a little confusing but I didn’t take long to realize what was up. Decided not to resist as my generally gnarly Philly upbringing would have prompted. The foot on my neck helped greatly in reaching this decision.
There were two of them. Uncertain why they picked me. I wouldn't have though myself a particularly good target. While not a big person I am in good shape, a man, and well, to put it bluntly, not an old woman grasping a promising looking bag.
I have been involved in scientific pursuits most of my life and, while I am not familiar with any scale matrix regarding muggings, I have graded the assault as follows:
Precision and Accuracy--A
Didn’t see it coming and no sloppy assailant footwork.
Method –A
See above.
Results –F
As violent attacks go, it was really quite polite. Not going to make it to the muggers Hall of Fame reel. Post it on YouTube, you might get a couple dozen hits.
Said crooks took my wallet and emptied it. They did leave it on the ground, though, so I still have it.
It was a short lived affair. I got up and walked back, cancelled my cards without financial misfortune. Typed for a while trying to figure out various passwords for the frequent flyer/hotel point cards. I thought about making a police report but went to bed instead. Seemed easier.
Lost about 30 bucks cash. Presume there is a new Confederate flag or case of Natural Light empties in front of a trailer somewhere in the Southern woods. Otherwise, I’ll trust karma to take care of the $30. Hopefully, they lose it at the cockfights.
RSS Feed
