The shyster with the stache In these halcyon days of Trump getting closer to having his ass handed to him on an obstruction of justice beef, a neutral observer might be forgiven for wondering how the Caucasian-in-Chief plans to beat the rap.
Trump personal lawyer Ty Cobb, named after the legendary baseball player and psychopath to whom he claims to be distantly related, was happy to explain the Trump defense to this column when asked.
“It’s simple,” the genial shyster said, stroking his absurd moustache. “To prove an obstruction of justice charge, you have to prove corrupt intent, which means that you deliberately sugared the gas tank of justice to prevent justice from revving up and running someone over, and you did this to protect, say, your kid, your son-in-law, your former national security advisor, your former campaign manager and possibly your own hiney.”
That sounds exactly like what Trump did.
“You betcha. But did he do it with corrupt intent?”
Umm…I’m thinking yes.
“But you are forgetting the context here. Did he do it with any more corrupt intent than anything else he has ever done?”
Well I can’t say for sure…
“Reasonable doubt, baby! My client is the poster boy for corrupt intent! From faking bone spurs, to fondling Miss Universes, to borrowing money from the Bank of Putin, to cheating Bob Mueller out of his golf club dues, the President has lived his entire life with corrupt intent. This so-called obstruction of justice is just him having a regular day at the office! Firing Comey was just as natural to him as dicking and dashing on Stormy Daniels and then paying her hush money. Our creative defense is going to be unique in the history of obstruction charges. It’s not that there was no corruption. It’s that there was NO INTENT! Trump was just being his regular sleazy, bloated self when he shitcanned Comey! He couldn’t help it! He’s 239 pounds of American turdbite! The American people knew that when he was elected. A man’s got to be true to himself.”
So, your defense is going to be that Trump is a worthless sack of self-centered shit that can’t help fouling everything he touches?
“President Sack of Worthless Shit, pal! Show some respect!
Trump personal lawyer Ty Cobb, named after the legendary baseball player and psychopath to whom he claims to be distantly related, was happy to explain the Trump defense to this column when asked.
“It’s simple,” the genial shyster said, stroking his absurd moustache. “To prove an obstruction of justice charge, you have to prove corrupt intent, which means that you deliberately sugared the gas tank of justice to prevent justice from revving up and running someone over, and you did this to protect, say, your kid, your son-in-law, your former national security advisor, your former campaign manager and possibly your own hiney.”
That sounds exactly like what Trump did.
“You betcha. But did he do it with corrupt intent?”
Umm…I’m thinking yes.
“But you are forgetting the context here. Did he do it with any more corrupt intent than anything else he has ever done?”
Well I can’t say for sure…
“Reasonable doubt, baby! My client is the poster boy for corrupt intent! From faking bone spurs, to fondling Miss Universes, to borrowing money from the Bank of Putin, to cheating Bob Mueller out of his golf club dues, the President has lived his entire life with corrupt intent. This so-called obstruction of justice is just him having a regular day at the office! Firing Comey was just as natural to him as dicking and dashing on Stormy Daniels and then paying her hush money. Our creative defense is going to be unique in the history of obstruction charges. It’s not that there was no corruption. It’s that there was NO INTENT! Trump was just being his regular sleazy, bloated self when he shitcanned Comey! He couldn’t help it! He’s 239 pounds of American turdbite! The American people knew that when he was elected. A man’s got to be true to himself.”
So, your defense is going to be that Trump is a worthless sack of self-centered shit that can’t help fouling everything he touches?
“President Sack of Worthless Shit, pal! Show some respect!
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