In a half-assed attempt to stay on top of the news cycle, we will be publishing this today instead of our usual Thursday post. Have fun, and see you again Monday!
Hillary accidentally told the truth, then immediately apologized for it last week. This uncharacteristic burst of honesty from the Democratic candidate for President occurred when she described half of Donald Trump supporters as belonging to a “basket of deplorables” because of their racist, misogynistic, homophobic and xenophobic views.
Although public polling shows that Clinton was exactly right, she immediately walked back the comment, as her campaign had no immediate plans to be honest about anything. The Trump campaign immediately went on the offensive, saying that Clinton had attacked “millions of hard working Americans.” Snotty Trump spokeslady Kellyanne Conway added “Of course our supporters are hard-working. Nobody’s giving away Confederate flags for free.” When pressed about Klu Klux Klan spokesman David Duke, a fervid Trump supporter, Conway could only say, “Only David Duke knows how hard David Duke works.”
Although Clinton was unavailable for comment for health reasons, a senior spokesperson for her campaign explained “What we really regret was the choice of words. ‘Basket’ is not usually a word Americans usually use to describe a group of people. Hillary should have used a more common expression, like ‘crew,’ ‘posse,’ ‘wad,' ‘crap-ton,’ or 'buncha.' Likewise, instead of ‘deplorables,’ there are many more easily understandable phrases the candidate now realizes that she could have employed instead. ‘Swamp-dwelling meatheads,’ ‘redneck retards,’ ‘alcoholic yick-a-doos,’ or ‘opioid-addled trailer trash' might have brought her point across better.”
When questioned about the other half of Trump supporters whom Clinton admitted were not deplorable, and why those people wanted to be associated with ignorant scumbuckets, the spokesperson just shrugged and said, “Beats me. Maybe they just like chilling with racists. I've heard they tell better jokes.”
Although public polling shows that Clinton was exactly right, she immediately walked back the comment, as her campaign had no immediate plans to be honest about anything. The Trump campaign immediately went on the offensive, saying that Clinton had attacked “millions of hard working Americans.” Snotty Trump spokeslady Kellyanne Conway added “Of course our supporters are hard-working. Nobody’s giving away Confederate flags for free.” When pressed about Klu Klux Klan spokesman David Duke, a fervid Trump supporter, Conway could only say, “Only David Duke knows how hard David Duke works.”
Although Clinton was unavailable for comment for health reasons, a senior spokesperson for her campaign explained “What we really regret was the choice of words. ‘Basket’ is not usually a word Americans usually use to describe a group of people. Hillary should have used a more common expression, like ‘crew,’ ‘posse,’ ‘wad,' ‘crap-ton,’ or 'buncha.' Likewise, instead of ‘deplorables,’ there are many more easily understandable phrases the candidate now realizes that she could have employed instead. ‘Swamp-dwelling meatheads,’ ‘redneck retards,’ ‘alcoholic yick-a-doos,’ or ‘opioid-addled trailer trash' might have brought her point across better.”
When questioned about the other half of Trump supporters whom Clinton admitted were not deplorable, and why those people wanted to be associated with ignorant scumbuckets, the spokesperson just shrugged and said, “Beats me. Maybe they just like chilling with racists. I've heard they tell better jokes.”
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