It's my turn to cash in on reality TV
I spent the weekend being sick of being a widely ignored writer. It's time to collect in on my talent by prostituting myself to the television industry. Here are eight sure-fire reality show hits. Forward them to any Hollywood producers you guys know, okay? I'll be waiting for the phone to ring.
GERBILS AND JAILBIRDS: Recently released offenders get a chance to prove their worthiness to return to society by adopting rescue gerbils. The show takes place on the rodent ranch of a leathery old ex-con and her adopted pet, an alpha gerbil named Annilingus Rex.
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF READING, PA: The show follows the lives of six attractive, (by Reading standards), ebullient young marrieds as they compete with each other in getting tattoos and helping their husbands cook crystal meth amid the mountain beauty and endless road construction of east central Pennsylvania.
DICK DYNASTY: A deeply religious clan carries on its business of making beautiful, quality, hand-painted sex toys, which they refuse to sell to gay people, from their traditional family factory in Swampytoo, Louisiana.
UNDERCOVER MIDDLE MANAGER: A company functionary from one giant, soulless corporation is embedded in the middle ranks of another multinational firm, where he discovers the plucky, heartbreaking back stories of his underlings. At the end of the show he gives all the worthy ones free pens.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A SHORT-ORDER COOK? Legendary egg chef and sneering egomaniac Helmut ("Nazi Sympathizer") Ramreich presides over a diner full of acolytes who want to get up at three in the morning to fry truck drivers' breakfasts for near minimum wage. There's tears in the hash browns in every episode as Chef Ramreich flips out over dried-out eggs Benedict and undercooked waffles.
WICKED CLAMMERS: Colorful, grizzled, competitive clam fishermen spend hours on the water bitching and moaning about not catching enough bivalves to support their families, despite the fact that they get paid to be on TV and have lucrative side businesses appearing at sporting goods stores every weekend at 500 bucks a pop.
SAY YES TO THE BREASTS: Under-endowed and insecure but attractive young women shop for just the right implants from a fawning gay plastic surgeon under the critical eyes of their friends and families, the grumpier of whom always think they're fine just the way they are.
NAKED AND SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED: Attractive strangers are coupled up and forced to strip down in not-quite wilderness enough national parks and attempt to explain to camping Boy Scouts, passing hikers and tour buses full of seniors why they have no clothes on.
GERBILS AND JAILBIRDS: Recently released offenders get a chance to prove their worthiness to return to society by adopting rescue gerbils. The show takes place on the rodent ranch of a leathery old ex-con and her adopted pet, an alpha gerbil named Annilingus Rex.
REAL HOUSEWIVES OF READING, PA: The show follows the lives of six attractive, (by Reading standards), ebullient young marrieds as they compete with each other in getting tattoos and helping their husbands cook crystal meth amid the mountain beauty and endless road construction of east central Pennsylvania.
DICK DYNASTY: A deeply religious clan carries on its business of making beautiful, quality, hand-painted sex toys, which they refuse to sell to gay people, from their traditional family factory in Swampytoo, Louisiana.
UNDERCOVER MIDDLE MANAGER: A company functionary from one giant, soulless corporation is embedded in the middle ranks of another multinational firm, where he discovers the plucky, heartbreaking back stories of his underlings. At the end of the show he gives all the worthy ones free pens.
SO YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A SHORT-ORDER COOK? Legendary egg chef and sneering egomaniac Helmut ("Nazi Sympathizer") Ramreich presides over a diner full of acolytes who want to get up at three in the morning to fry truck drivers' breakfasts for near minimum wage. There's tears in the hash browns in every episode as Chef Ramreich flips out over dried-out eggs Benedict and undercooked waffles.
WICKED CLAMMERS: Colorful, grizzled, competitive clam fishermen spend hours on the water bitching and moaning about not catching enough bivalves to support their families, despite the fact that they get paid to be on TV and have lucrative side businesses appearing at sporting goods stores every weekend at 500 bucks a pop.
SAY YES TO THE BREASTS: Under-endowed and insecure but attractive young women shop for just the right implants from a fawning gay plastic surgeon under the critical eyes of their friends and families, the grumpier of whom always think they're fine just the way they are.
NAKED AND SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED: Attractive strangers are coupled up and forced to strip down in not-quite wilderness enough national parks and attempt to explain to camping Boy Scouts, passing hikers and tour buses full of seniors why they have no clothes on.
RSS Feed
