God popped up on my Zoom screen again. This time He was in a jovial mood. “I see you’re checking out the Facebook Prayer to End Atheism page,” He said.
I wasn’t going to participate.
“Good, because I’m planning to ignore it entirely.”
Isn’t that what you do with all prayers?
“For shizzle, ma hizzle.”
Oh, wow, is Snoop Dogg dead?
“No, just been watching him on YouTube. It’s true I ignore most prayers, from high school kids begging Me for a glimpse of calculus test of the nerd who sits in front of them to a guy getting his leg munched on by crocodile, and every prayer in between, but I’m really going to savor ignoring this one. I love atheists. They don’t bother me about anything. They know I’m not going to cure their cancer, help them pick Lotto numbers or stop them from being gay. Jesus loves them, too. Every time they sue to get a cross taken off government land, He’s behind them all the way. “Go atheists!” he murmurs. My Son is not big on crosses. He pretty much eternally resents Me for making him hang on one. It’s a constant source of family tension.”
Every family has its issues.
“Tell that to the Holy Ghost, would ya? That Being is just one eternal sourpuss. But I’m getting off the subject. Let My Believers know that I’m not going to convert all the atheists to groveling Christians just so they don’t get made fun of anymore, which is their real motivation. Remind them they’re supposed to love suffering, so when some smartass atheist starts flaming them on Facebook, they should just pray to me.”
Which prayer you’ll ignore.
“Me damn right I will.”
I wasn’t going to participate.
“Good, because I’m planning to ignore it entirely.”
Isn’t that what you do with all prayers?
“For shizzle, ma hizzle.”
Oh, wow, is Snoop Dogg dead?
“No, just been watching him on YouTube. It’s true I ignore most prayers, from high school kids begging Me for a glimpse of calculus test of the nerd who sits in front of them to a guy getting his leg munched on by crocodile, and every prayer in between, but I’m really going to savor ignoring this one. I love atheists. They don’t bother me about anything. They know I’m not going to cure their cancer, help them pick Lotto numbers or stop them from being gay. Jesus loves them, too. Every time they sue to get a cross taken off government land, He’s behind them all the way. “Go atheists!” he murmurs. My Son is not big on crosses. He pretty much eternally resents Me for making him hang on one. It’s a constant source of family tension.”
Every family has its issues.
“Tell that to the Holy Ghost, would ya? That Being is just one eternal sourpuss. But I’m getting off the subject. Let My Believers know that I’m not going to convert all the atheists to groveling Christians just so they don’t get made fun of anymore, which is their real motivation. Remind them they’re supposed to love suffering, so when some smartass atheist starts flaming them on Facebook, they should just pray to me.”
Which prayer you’ll ignore.
“Me damn right I will.”
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