No one says sex traffickers are smart, but digging tunnels in the Bahamas is problematic because they sit about three feet above sea level, meaning sex tunnels have to be pretty shallow or else they fill up quickly with the ocean. Remember, though, when Hillary was operating a sex trafficking ring out of the basement of a pizza joint that had no basement? Sex traffickers find a way.
The problem with Kerr’s hypothesis is that God is basically cool with sex traffickers. In the Bible, you could buy yourself a hot slave and make her your concubine if you wanted to. See illustration. If that’s not sex trafficking, what is?
No, there has to be a different reason God blew up the Bahamas. Here are a couple of different scenarios in which the Bahamas could have attracted the wrath of the Deity.
1.He went on one of those three-day cruises to Freeport and got sick after eating at the shipboard buffet. Have you checked out the prices on one of those trips? I mean, it’s cheaper than staying in Heaven. You can eat, drink and gamble all you want, but when your Filipino egg cook, who is working his 43rd day in a row, accidentally slips a little salmonella into your Benedict, you can pay a gastrointestinal price for your little vacay.
2.God hates black people living in low--lying areas. One word—Katrina
3.He meant to destroy Epstein’s Pedophile Island, but sliced his shot right. The problem with this theory is that having sex with teenage girls is also pretty Biblical, so what was His beef with Epstein? Was He just mad about never being invited on Epstein’s private jet? And Epstein’s dead now anyway, so He can take up His issues with Epstein eternally. No need to bash up a bunch of resorts to make His point.
4.Spent a week at a Sandals in Nassau after watching one of their sexy TV commercials, but the pool was nothing but kids and the waiters were rude.
So, there you have it. God likes to keep us on our toes with his special mix of hurricanes, tsunamis, volcanoes, plagues and earthquakes, but it’s never about the sex trafficking. Most likely it’s the gay. Or abortions—don’t interfere with His plan for your unborn child, which is to kill it eventually some other way.
In the meantime, desperate Bahamians are pouring into the United States as storm refugees. Trump’s been too busy playing with Sharpies to notice that much, but wait until he finds out they’re mostly not white, and start questioning why hurricanes never hit Norway.
Let’s see if God has an answer for that.