Last week brimmed with idiocy even more pungent than usual, as the White House strove to avoid blame for mass murders and attempted mass murders of people Trump was on record as saying kind of deserved to be mass-murdered, resulting in his personal gallery of gibbering goobers spewing bullshit higher and further than it ever has been spewed before, so high and far we might just have to build that Space Force to collect it and return it to Earth.
But words have consequences, which sounds like sanctimonious drivel but can also be true, and saying stupid things today can easily result in doing stupid things tomorrow. Here’s a list of possibilities:
STUPID SHIT: Kellyanne Conway, White House counselor who Trump only keeps around so Sarah Sanders doesn’t get too full of herself for being the only one in the Administration who can spin like the ghost planet Niburu, claims that the synagogue shooting was not caused by a virulent anti-Semite with an AR-15, but by “antireligious feelings” spread by late night comedians.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Trevor Noah gets shot. EVEN WORSE CASE SCENARIO: When Colbert, Kimmel et al show up at Noah’s funeral, another MAGot with an automatic weapon starts spraying lead at all of them, meaning the following week infomercials start at 11 PM instead of 3 AM.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Kelly and Sanders get sick of trying to out-prevaricate each other, and decide to oil-wrestle for the title of most extravagant liar in DC on the South Lawn. Kavanaugh brings the keg.
STUPID SHIT: Trump claims birthright citizenship is revocable if he just says so. No chance that the Supreme Court is going to agree with him, even if Kavanaugh drinks that whole keg by himself before arguments begin, but…
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Redneck hospitals seize the opportunity to start refusing to issue birth certificates to anybody with a Spanish surname, leaving a whole generation of newborns stateless.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Ted Cruz loses his citizenship.
STUPID SHIT: Mike Pence brings fake rabbi to pray for dead Jews, revealing his scary dark soul clouded over by personal anti-Semitism so pervading that he can’t bring himself to associate with real Jews even in the wake of a mass shooting.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Pence becomes President and proclaims all American Jews should emigrate to Israel, “where they belong, because it’s about time the End of Days gets rolling.”
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Pence sells soul to Satan in return for a guilty verdict in Trump’s impeachment trial, and Satan collects before 2020.
STUPID SHIT: Trump proclaims rocks are the same as rifles, threatening “the caravan” with gunfire.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Troops open fire on unarmed refugees. Among the victims are children, causing widespread revulsion both here and abroad, except among MAGots, who point out that it’s more economical to kill kids than cage them.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: For educational purposes only, someone throws a rock at Trump.
But words have consequences, which sounds like sanctimonious drivel but can also be true, and saying stupid things today can easily result in doing stupid things tomorrow. Here’s a list of possibilities:
STUPID SHIT: Kellyanne Conway, White House counselor who Trump only keeps around so Sarah Sanders doesn’t get too full of herself for being the only one in the Administration who can spin like the ghost planet Niburu, claims that the synagogue shooting was not caused by a virulent anti-Semite with an AR-15, but by “antireligious feelings” spread by late night comedians.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Trevor Noah gets shot. EVEN WORSE CASE SCENARIO: When Colbert, Kimmel et al show up at Noah’s funeral, another MAGot with an automatic weapon starts spraying lead at all of them, meaning the following week infomercials start at 11 PM instead of 3 AM.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Kelly and Sanders get sick of trying to out-prevaricate each other, and decide to oil-wrestle for the title of most extravagant liar in DC on the South Lawn. Kavanaugh brings the keg.
STUPID SHIT: Trump claims birthright citizenship is revocable if he just says so. No chance that the Supreme Court is going to agree with him, even if Kavanaugh drinks that whole keg by himself before arguments begin, but…
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Redneck hospitals seize the opportunity to start refusing to issue birth certificates to anybody with a Spanish surname, leaving a whole generation of newborns stateless.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Ted Cruz loses his citizenship.
STUPID SHIT: Mike Pence brings fake rabbi to pray for dead Jews, revealing his scary dark soul clouded over by personal anti-Semitism so pervading that he can’t bring himself to associate with real Jews even in the wake of a mass shooting.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Pence becomes President and proclaims all American Jews should emigrate to Israel, “where they belong, because it’s about time the End of Days gets rolling.”
BEST CASE SCENARIO: Pence sells soul to Satan in return for a guilty verdict in Trump’s impeachment trial, and Satan collects before 2020.
STUPID SHIT: Trump proclaims rocks are the same as rifles, threatening “the caravan” with gunfire.
WORST CASE SCENARIO: Troops open fire on unarmed refugees. Among the victims are children, causing widespread revulsion both here and abroad, except among MAGots, who point out that it’s more economical to kill kids than cage them.
BEST CASE SCENARIO: For educational purposes only, someone throws a rock at Trump.
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