Trump has declared this month to be National Sexual Assault Awareness Month, but then had to be carefully warned by his chief of staff, General Kelly, that the declaration was part of the fight against sexual assault, and not an encouragement to look for opportunities for sexual assault, which Trump originally thought was the meaning of the declaration.
Encouraged by Trump actually grasping something, Kelly immediately created a schedule of Awareness months for the rest of the year, which was immediately leaked to the New York Times:
MAY: Don’t Congratulate Russia for Anything Awareness Month
JUNE: Canning Cabinet Members Two or Three at a Time Makes You Look Like an Incompetent Shit Awareness Month
JULY: Don’t Fire Mueller This Month Awareness Month
AUGUST: Wikileaks Made You President Awareness Month
SEPTEMBER: Don’t Offer to Fight Anybody When You Can Barely Get In And Out of Your Golf Cart Without Stopping to Catch Your Breath Awareness Month
OCTOBER: Everybody You’ve Ever Had Sex With Is Going to Want to Get Paid Eventually Awareness Month
NOVEMBER: Jared Is a Sneaky Little Weasel Awareness Month
DECEMBER: Everybody, Including Me, Is Quitting Their Job Here in January Awareness Month
Encouraged by Trump actually grasping something, Kelly immediately created a schedule of Awareness months for the rest of the year, which was immediately leaked to the New York Times:
MAY: Don’t Congratulate Russia for Anything Awareness Month
JUNE: Canning Cabinet Members Two or Three at a Time Makes You Look Like an Incompetent Shit Awareness Month
JULY: Don’t Fire Mueller This Month Awareness Month
AUGUST: Wikileaks Made You President Awareness Month
SEPTEMBER: Don’t Offer to Fight Anybody When You Can Barely Get In And Out of Your Golf Cart Without Stopping to Catch Your Breath Awareness Month
OCTOBER: Everybody You’ve Ever Had Sex With Is Going to Want to Get Paid Eventually Awareness Month
NOVEMBER: Jared Is a Sneaky Little Weasel Awareness Month
DECEMBER: Everybody, Including Me, Is Quitting Their Job Here in January Awareness Month
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