There's no subject this blog keeps more rigidly abreast of than the end of the world, since there's nothing more important than Doomsday news to both of my readers. In the latest earth-shattering news, the Mayan Apocalypse, which was pretty well a big snore up until now, has been taken over by aliens hiding in a volcano in France.
About time. To this point in history, the French have not saved anyone, including themselves, from anything, but all that is about to change. Apparently, the aliens living underneath French mountains are much more altruistic than regular Frenchmen, who are chiefly known for their appetites for wine and unwashed prostitutes. The aliens have secreted themselves in a volcanic peak called Bugarach with an eye (or a bunch of eyes, maybe on stalks) to saving humanity for a new era that will follow the approaching Mayan doom this December 21st.
It is important that these French aliens not be confused with regular Aliens, the kind that live inside Sigourney Weaver until they are ready to burst out and wreak havoc. Although the inside of Sigourney Weaver is no doubt warm and dark like the inside of a volcano, Alien aliens, which you no doubt know from seeing the movie, would not save us for anything, except maybe dessert.
Who has the inside information on our alien redeemers? Impeccable sources, that's who, like the American Ramtha School of Enlightenment. These scholars put their faith in the existence of Ramtha, who discovered the secret of eternal life 35,000 years ago while battling Atlantis. Ramtha does not actually attend their meetings; he is "channeled" by a standard mortal woman named JZ White. The reason he does not show up for conferences is not that, being 35,000 years old, he feels kind of creaky. He does not make personal appearances anymore because he has "achieved another plane of existence." Technically, I suppose, one could refer to this as "dead." No one has really seen him since those battles with Atlantis—he is the original POW-MIA.
Another group endorsing Bugarach as the place to be when the lights of the cosmos wink out are the Raelians, a cult founded by race-car driver Claude Vorhilion (French!)
How can a religion founded by a race car-driver be wrong? I'm not even a fan of the sport, but a faith based on NASCAR would have to be more exciting than regular church. I have always noted, on the few occasions I get dragged there, that basic church is like traffic school for your soul—it's boring, you can't leave early, you're liable to embarrass yourself by falling asleep during it, but hey, you get the points anyway.
With these grave and respectable authorities as their assurance, up to 200,000 people are expected to clog the byways of Bugarach on December 21st, in kind of a Woodstock Armageddon. The French who live there can't think of anything to do except be livid about it. We Americans would already be printing up the t-shirts.
About time. To this point in history, the French have not saved anyone, including themselves, from anything, but all that is about to change. Apparently, the aliens living underneath French mountains are much more altruistic than regular Frenchmen, who are chiefly known for their appetites for wine and unwashed prostitutes. The aliens have secreted themselves in a volcanic peak called Bugarach with an eye (or a bunch of eyes, maybe on stalks) to saving humanity for a new era that will follow the approaching Mayan doom this December 21st.
It is important that these French aliens not be confused with regular Aliens, the kind that live inside Sigourney Weaver until they are ready to burst out and wreak havoc. Although the inside of Sigourney Weaver is no doubt warm and dark like the inside of a volcano, Alien aliens, which you no doubt know from seeing the movie, would not save us for anything, except maybe dessert.
Who has the inside information on our alien redeemers? Impeccable sources, that's who, like the American Ramtha School of Enlightenment. These scholars put their faith in the existence of Ramtha, who discovered the secret of eternal life 35,000 years ago while battling Atlantis. Ramtha does not actually attend their meetings; he is "channeled" by a standard mortal woman named JZ White. The reason he does not show up for conferences is not that, being 35,000 years old, he feels kind of creaky. He does not make personal appearances anymore because he has "achieved another plane of existence." Technically, I suppose, one could refer to this as "dead." No one has really seen him since those battles with Atlantis—he is the original POW-MIA.
Another group endorsing Bugarach as the place to be when the lights of the cosmos wink out are the Raelians, a cult founded by race-car driver Claude Vorhilion (French!)
How can a religion founded by a race car-driver be wrong? I'm not even a fan of the sport, but a faith based on NASCAR would have to be more exciting than regular church. I have always noted, on the few occasions I get dragged there, that basic church is like traffic school for your soul—it's boring, you can't leave early, you're liable to embarrass yourself by falling asleep during it, but hey, you get the points anyway.
With these grave and respectable authorities as their assurance, up to 200,000 people are expected to clog the byways of Bugarach on December 21st, in kind of a Woodstock Armageddon. The French who live there can't think of anything to do except be livid about it. We Americans would already be printing up the t-shirts.
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