“We just felt it necessary to impose a gratuitous tax burden on our citizens by making it dollars-to-donuts certain we would be sued by the ACLU,” said Waskom mayor Jesse Moore. “We’re basing our case on Constitutional grounds that are shakier than those earthquakes that God uses to remind Californians that they are all going to Hell—that any churchy little town in bumfuck can overturn a decision of the United States Supreme Court.
“The fact that our all-male city council passed the law unanimously is also pleasing in the sight of Our Lord, because He calls us to instruct women on what they can do with their vajayjays, which is only to use them for reproduction, unless we’ve seen something on Pornhub that we really need to try. Also, if something happens that is manifestly the work of Satan, like my daughter getting pregnant after attending a rap concert, it’s only 800 miles to Austin, where there are plenty of abortion clinics from which we could send that little rap fetus to embrace Jesus in Heaven.”
When asked if pregnant immigrants could take advantage of Waskom’s sanctuary city status, the mayor replied, “Are you high? God is only calling us to protect American fetuses, and them unborn Hispanicals ain’t American unless they get themselves birthed here. They get plenty of Jesus where they came from, and they get it in Spanish. If God wanted them in Waskom, He would not have already translated the Bible from English into Spanish so they could read it back home.”
Fetal Americans are said to have mixed feelings about the law. Embryos already planning a career in the arts (read--gay embryos) are especially not happy about getting stuck in Waskom instead of a thriving urban sanctuary city like illegal Salvadorans get. “They get San Francisco, and we get Waskom?” one preborn was heard to say, rolling his little proto-eyes. “Even when you’re barely bigger than Trump’s penis, which most of us have achieved by the sixth week, you don’t want to spend the weekend in Waskom.”