Just asking for it A spokesman for the Federal Emergency Management Agency has acknowledged that, due to the damage inflicted by hurricanes Harvey, Irma and Maria, work on building death camps to imprison average Americans has nearly come to a standstill.
“Just when we were bolting the galvanized iron huts into place on dozens of our secret death camps, Harvey hit Houston. We had to leave almost all the giant propaganda speakers in their boxes to rush fresh water and diapers to Texas. Before we had even finished that, Irma laid waste to Florida. More truckloads of tampons and duct tape had to be loaded for there. Now we’re airlifting medicine and blankets to Puerto Rico.
“Morale at the agency is at an all-time low. I mean, what would you rather be doing, building a nice perimeter fence and laying boobytraps outside it, or trying to land a cargo of canned goods on a damaged runway? I mean, FEMA doesn’t mind rescuing communities occasionally—it’s our cover story, after all—but this is just a bit too much. And this after the biggest crisis ever at the agency.”
What was that?
“The election, dunderhead. We all thought Hillary was going to win, too, and follow up on Obama’s plans to incarcerate most of middle America. We even had plans to melt their guns right in front of those yickadoos, in a furnace fueled by burning Bibles. When she lost, you could have heard a gnat fart in here. But Trump surprised us by backing the death camps enthusiastically. We’re just going to have a different customer base, now. Instead of white supremacists and deplorables, we’re going to be rounding up libtards and snowflakes. Doesn’t matter to us. We just like death camps.
“But these hurricanes have put us way behind schedule. And what’s next? The San Andreas Fault is due for a big shaker, and the Yellowstone super-volcano could blow at any minute. Either would ruin yet another day of us peacefully unrolling barbed wire and installing machine guns in guard towers at black sites all over the US.
“So, there’s a lot of grumbling at the agency, and some open threats to quit. After all, NASA is hiring people to fake a Mars landing, and the next Sandy Hook is already in the planning stages. Other opportunities are there. But most of these guys joined up to build death camps, and that’s what they want to get back to. Hauling necessities to needy Americans is something they’re getting plenty weary of.”
But if they don’t rescue them now, they won’t get to imprison them later.
“Good point. I’ll bring that up at the next meeting.”
“Just when we were bolting the galvanized iron huts into place on dozens of our secret death camps, Harvey hit Houston. We had to leave almost all the giant propaganda speakers in their boxes to rush fresh water and diapers to Texas. Before we had even finished that, Irma laid waste to Florida. More truckloads of tampons and duct tape had to be loaded for there. Now we’re airlifting medicine and blankets to Puerto Rico.
“Morale at the agency is at an all-time low. I mean, what would you rather be doing, building a nice perimeter fence and laying boobytraps outside it, or trying to land a cargo of canned goods on a damaged runway? I mean, FEMA doesn’t mind rescuing communities occasionally—it’s our cover story, after all—but this is just a bit too much. And this after the biggest crisis ever at the agency.”
What was that?
“The election, dunderhead. We all thought Hillary was going to win, too, and follow up on Obama’s plans to incarcerate most of middle America. We even had plans to melt their guns right in front of those yickadoos, in a furnace fueled by burning Bibles. When she lost, you could have heard a gnat fart in here. But Trump surprised us by backing the death camps enthusiastically. We’re just going to have a different customer base, now. Instead of white supremacists and deplorables, we’re going to be rounding up libtards and snowflakes. Doesn’t matter to us. We just like death camps.
“But these hurricanes have put us way behind schedule. And what’s next? The San Andreas Fault is due for a big shaker, and the Yellowstone super-volcano could blow at any minute. Either would ruin yet another day of us peacefully unrolling barbed wire and installing machine guns in guard towers at black sites all over the US.
“So, there’s a lot of grumbling at the agency, and some open threats to quit. After all, NASA is hiring people to fake a Mars landing, and the next Sandy Hook is already in the planning stages. Other opportunities are there. But most of these guys joined up to build death camps, and that’s what they want to get back to. Hauling necessities to needy Americans is something they’re getting plenty weary of.”
But if they don’t rescue them now, they won’t get to imprison them later.
“Good point. I’ll bring that up at the next meeting.”
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