Here we are speaking metaphorically, of course, because Assange has lived in the Ecuadorian Embassy in London, reportedly in a Harry Potter-like hole under the stairs, for the last several years, to avoid being tried on rape charges in Sweden despite the fact that the punishment for rape in Sweden is only a severe spanking. You would think he might be resentful of the Donald, who has by his own admission has committed sexual assault many times but still gets to move into the White House, but Assange has nothing but comradely affection for Trump, and pledged on Hannity that Russia had zip to do with the hacks that sealed Hillary’s doom.
This despite the fact that WikiLeaks is actually set up so they don’t know where their leaks come from. Anybody from the Chinese secret service to the Tooth Fairy can tip them off, and they would have no idea who sent them their latest batch of sordid emails. But Assange is probably bored with life in the Ecuadorian Embassy, and they are certainly bored of him, calling him “El violador con la pequeña polla”* behind his back and threatening to make him shear llamas in lieu of rent. So, it’s a nice break for Assange to get on Hannity and spout off nonsense, and it also relieves some of the pressure on Hannity to spout off all the nonsense himself.
Less content with his spot on the Trump bandwagon is General James “Mad Dog” Mattis, the future Secretary of Defense. Mad Dog, who presumably got his name by sitting in a bunker ordering people killed from afar with more verve and enthusiasm than generals not nicknamed after rabid mammals, is unhappy with Agent Orange for selecting somebody for the position of Secretary of the Army named Vincent Viola, whose chief qualification for the office is owning a hockey team. Mattis apparently feels that Viola knows nearly as much about being Secretary of the Army as any random sous-chef at Mar el Largo.
Americans who loved Trump for his promise to build a “great big beautiful wall” on our border with Mexico are uneasy at the prospect of being forced to pay for it and getting Mexico to cough up for the bill later, especially in view of former Mexican President Vincente Fox Tweeting, “We ain’t gonna pay for no fucken wall,” to which Team Trump only responded by criticizing Fox’s spelling of the English adjective “fucking.” The likelihood of Mexico paying for the wall is considered greater than the likelihood that Trump will ever pay any taxes at all, however.
Former prostitute Melania Trump is threatening to sue anyone who calls her a former prostitute.
And Arnold Schwarzenegger, who was never really on the Trump train to begin with, is definitely off for good after Trump blasted him on Twitter for his low ratings on the new Celebrity Apprentice, which Trump still makes money from. Arnold, who Trump probably does not think has a better body, personality and hair style than he does, did not respond by saying many people are not watching “Celebrity Apprentice” because they don’t want to finance Trump, and many other people don’t watch it because it is a pointless waste of the precious minutes of their lives.
Schwarzenegger responded by urging Trump to channel his inner Lincoln. Silly Arnold. President-elect Cheezit does not have an inner Lincoln.
He's Trump to the bone.
*"The rapist with the small wang"