Photo by Black3Car
Today's blog is contributed by the author's brother, Matt Cahill, a devoted family man still afflicted by small children, unlike the author, whose kid is old enough to be told "If you want to go to Orlando, take your own damn self."
In my never ending quest to be stereotypical I took the family to Orlando for a week to hit all of the parks. The kids had a great time, but my wife and I started wanting to kill each other on Day One and two weeks later we are still feeling mildly mutually homicidal. I have a feeling this is not uncommon. My beloved and I have a different pace while walking through an amusement park, which causes a surprising number of problems. Kind of like when you move in with someone and figure out that the two of you like to sleep at widely different temperatures.
But the most important point to be made here is that we as a tourist people are waaaaay too fat.
If you have not been to the town that the Mouse built lately one of the many things you can pay too much to park for and walk a long way to pay too much to get into is a water park. Everyone in the water park is in a swimsuit. The men of course are as ugly as we have always been, lumpy, pale and spotted with random clumps of body hair, but some of you ladies are also in need of a mirror check. Don’t get me wrong –there is nothing more attractive than the female form in my mind, but should you have happened to gained a few, the suit from 5 years ago may need to be updated, lest you look like you have escaped from People of Wal-Mart. We all know about 20% of the women walking around in swimsuits look crazy hot in them (which we males appreciate and please continue to do it), but some of you girls need to rethink your suit's design. Unfortunately for me my wife is in the crazy hot % and I am a troglodyte. If you all could keep this on the down low I’d appreciate it –she has not seemed to notice as yet.
Men –it’s hopeless. You’re hideous –keep your damn shirt on and wear a baggy swimsuit, particularly you Europeans with your monstrous Schnitzelguts – take advantage of local custom and get yourself some OP’s.
It’s not such a small world after all.
In my never ending quest to be stereotypical I took the family to Orlando for a week to hit all of the parks. The kids had a great time, but my wife and I started wanting to kill each other on Day One and two weeks later we are still feeling mildly mutually homicidal. I have a feeling this is not uncommon. My beloved and I have a different pace while walking through an amusement park, which causes a surprising number of problems. Kind of like when you move in with someone and figure out that the two of you like to sleep at widely different temperatures.
But the most important point to be made here is that we as a tourist people are waaaaay too fat.
If you have not been to the town that the Mouse built lately one of the many things you can pay too much to park for and walk a long way to pay too much to get into is a water park. Everyone in the water park is in a swimsuit. The men of course are as ugly as we have always been, lumpy, pale and spotted with random clumps of body hair, but some of you ladies are also in need of a mirror check. Don’t get me wrong –there is nothing more attractive than the female form in my mind, but should you have happened to gained a few, the suit from 5 years ago may need to be updated, lest you look like you have escaped from People of Wal-Mart. We all know about 20% of the women walking around in swimsuits look crazy hot in them (which we males appreciate and please continue to do it), but some of you girls need to rethink your suit's design. Unfortunately for me my wife is in the crazy hot % and I am a troglodyte. If you all could keep this on the down low I’d appreciate it –she has not seemed to notice as yet.
Men –it’s hopeless. You’re hideous –keep your damn shirt on and wear a baggy swimsuit, particularly you Europeans with your monstrous Schnitzelguts – take advantage of local custom and get yourself some OP’s.
It’s not such a small world after all.
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