The unwanted patrol car spotlight of publicity has been shone upon the Uvalde, Texas Police Department, and it has been found wanting.
Bear in mind, this little cop shop had not been notorious for incompetence before being called upon to take down a mass murderer. The Uvalde cops, I presume, were capable of doing all those things that medium-town police departments do so well—setting speed traps, manhandling poor people with cars deficient in things like current registrations or working brake lights, finding drugs in vehicles that had failed to properly signal a turn, waiting outside nightclubs on weekends to make sure they got their quota of DUI’s, and coming over and shooting your dog if you reported a burglary.
They were probably no better and no worse than any similar sized police force in the nation, keeping in mind that all police locker rooms are basically armed high school locker rooms, with a similar ratio of bullying, jealousy, secret hatreds, open hatreds, grinding, years-long personal feuds, and loudmouths whom the rest of the room fervently wishes would shut up.
“So what?” I hear you saying. “Aren’t country clubs, boardrooms, and city councils basically the same thing as well?” Yes, but you probably get a little more bullying out of a PD. Bullies are naturally attracted to police work, because you can go right out of junior college into intimidating people full-time, while in other career paths, you have to work yourself up to boss-hood before you can use fear as a management mechanism, and that can take years.
Besides, you don’t call upon The Only Mexicans Here Mow the Grass Country Club when a teenager with an automatic rifle opens fire on a school full of babies. You call the cops, just not the Uvalde ones, because those cops are just going to mill around outside, in fear of their lives because there is a single shooter in a single room inside, who has body armor and a gun just like the ones they are carrying and wearing, and the Uvalde police only outnumber him twenty-to-one. The Uvalde cops are going to while away an hour pepper-spraying and handcuffing people who want to rush the school and save their kids. That's apparently illegal.
The Uvalde cops are going to wait until the Border Patrol shows up, and then make them wait for thirty minutes, until the Border Patrol says, “We’re tired of this child-murdering shit,” and goes in and shoots your mass-murderer for you.
Despite standing outside wetting in their tactical underwear during the killing spree, the Uvalde police were back in perfect form the next day, when Beto O’Rourke confronted his rival, the sitting Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, and pointed out that Abbott, who was having a press conference along with his Lieutenant Governor and the man known throughout the land as America’s Top Asshole, Ted Cruz,* wasn’t going to do diddley about mass murdering, because he cared far more about the gun nut vote and NRA campaign cheese than he did about dead third-graders.
The Governor and his fellow pols were outraged, because when you’re having a press conference about how the right thing to do about school shootings is pray and then fortify school doors like bank vaults rather than do something that the NRA is against, like raising the age for purchasing a machine gun in the Lone Star State to the same age the government wants you to be before you buy a six-pack, you don’t want to be interrupted by some Democrat.
They had Beto kicked out on his ass. The Uvalde police handled it.
So, the Uvalde boys in blue are back on the job. Count on them. Just make sure that if you decide to report a burglary, lock the dog up before they arrive.
*Sorry, Rand. Regards to your neighbor.
Bear in mind, this little cop shop had not been notorious for incompetence before being called upon to take down a mass murderer. The Uvalde cops, I presume, were capable of doing all those things that medium-town police departments do so well—setting speed traps, manhandling poor people with cars deficient in things like current registrations or working brake lights, finding drugs in vehicles that had failed to properly signal a turn, waiting outside nightclubs on weekends to make sure they got their quota of DUI’s, and coming over and shooting your dog if you reported a burglary.
They were probably no better and no worse than any similar sized police force in the nation, keeping in mind that all police locker rooms are basically armed high school locker rooms, with a similar ratio of bullying, jealousy, secret hatreds, open hatreds, grinding, years-long personal feuds, and loudmouths whom the rest of the room fervently wishes would shut up.
“So what?” I hear you saying. “Aren’t country clubs, boardrooms, and city councils basically the same thing as well?” Yes, but you probably get a little more bullying out of a PD. Bullies are naturally attracted to police work, because you can go right out of junior college into intimidating people full-time, while in other career paths, you have to work yourself up to boss-hood before you can use fear as a management mechanism, and that can take years.
Besides, you don’t call upon The Only Mexicans Here Mow the Grass Country Club when a teenager with an automatic rifle opens fire on a school full of babies. You call the cops, just not the Uvalde ones, because those cops are just going to mill around outside, in fear of their lives because there is a single shooter in a single room inside, who has body armor and a gun just like the ones they are carrying and wearing, and the Uvalde police only outnumber him twenty-to-one. The Uvalde cops are going to while away an hour pepper-spraying and handcuffing people who want to rush the school and save their kids. That's apparently illegal.
The Uvalde cops are going to wait until the Border Patrol shows up, and then make them wait for thirty minutes, until the Border Patrol says, “We’re tired of this child-murdering shit,” and goes in and shoots your mass-murderer for you.
Despite standing outside wetting in their tactical underwear during the killing spree, the Uvalde police were back in perfect form the next day, when Beto O’Rourke confronted his rival, the sitting Governor of Texas, Greg Abbott, and pointed out that Abbott, who was having a press conference along with his Lieutenant Governor and the man known throughout the land as America’s Top Asshole, Ted Cruz,* wasn’t going to do diddley about mass murdering, because he cared far more about the gun nut vote and NRA campaign cheese than he did about dead third-graders.
The Governor and his fellow pols were outraged, because when you’re having a press conference about how the right thing to do about school shootings is pray and then fortify school doors like bank vaults rather than do something that the NRA is against, like raising the age for purchasing a machine gun in the Lone Star State to the same age the government wants you to be before you buy a six-pack, you don’t want to be interrupted by some Democrat.
They had Beto kicked out on his ass. The Uvalde police handled it.
So, the Uvalde boys in blue are back on the job. Count on them. Just make sure that if you decide to report a burglary, lock the dog up before they arrive.
*Sorry, Rand. Regards to your neighbor.
RSS Feed
