The bagel in question was egg, cheese and bacon-filled, purchased at an Einstein Brother's bagel shop. Significant other facts include:
1. The bagel shop is located less than half a mile from a church.
2. It was a jalapeno bagel, and the Pope has just visited Mexico.
3. The crown appeared exactly one week after Easter, and ten days after Good Friday. If you add those two numbers together you get seventeen, which is the age at which the author lost his virginity.
Subsequent to noticing the apparition, I considered opening a shrine featuring the bagel, but the thought of a lot of devout, elderly foreigners with rosaries and possible urinary emergencies shuffling through my house made me realize I'd have to clean the bathroom every day. Also the image of the crown was located in the bagel sector most crammed with bacon, egg and cheese.
I realized that was a sign and finished it off.