Give me your wallet. And quit building the Keystone Pipeline.
Republican Presidential candidate Ted Cruz, in what was widely viewed as a move to out-Trump the Donald, recently expressed his opinion that most violent criminals are Democrats.
Trump, who pioneered this entertainment of broadly insulting people who are not going to vote for you anyway, was mum on this claim, but it was likely based on research by Rush Limbaugh, who announced some months ago that your average school shooter is a Democrat.
Now, the fact of the matter is that most school shooters are minors and unable to affiliate themselves with either major political party, but you have to agree with Rush that probably they are thinking "Gee, I wish I could grow up to vote for a party that supported stronger gun laws, because if I hadn't gotten my hands on this semi-automatic rifle and two thousand rounds of ammo, I wouldn't be getting shot to death by a SWAT team right now."
So that makes them Democrats. Another fact that indicates juvenile mass murderers probably lean Democratic is that Democrats tend to send their kids to public schools and universities, which is where most school shootings occur, because they don’t care if their kids are exposed to the lie of evolution and false global warming theories. So we can also add that Democrats are mostly lousy parents.
And violent criminals make lousy parents. I was inclined to disagree with Ted and Rush at first, but when the facts keep piling up like this, you have to re-examine your own reasoning. It’s true I am a violent criminal. Technically, I’m currently not a Democrat since I’ve so far failed to re-register to vote after changing residences, but when I do, I will no doubt become a Democrat again. So add me to the total of bloody-handed felons who pause from their crimes once every four years to vote the straight Democratic ticket.
My Significant Other is also a Democrat. At least I think she is, although I have never actually seen her voter registration card. And currently she is a professor at a local university, which is legal if somewhat disreputable. However, she often indicates that if the right opportunity opened up in the violent criminal field, she would consider changing careers. I would encourage this, because I believe she has a natural aptitude for felonious behavior.
Likewise, her two daughters show every sign of being sociopaths-in-waiting. One, a recent college graduate, just returned from Africa, where she spent six weeks treating sick, impoverished Africans. This altruistic behavior is no doubt just a ruse. Someday she will use it as evidence she deserves a lighter sentence when she is brought before the bar of justice after she embarks upon a life of crime. That, I suspect, is her secret plan. The other is headed to Washington, DC, next semester, where as part of her undergraduate studies she will serve as an intern in the office of a Democratic Congresswoman. It is well known that this elected official is a modern female Fagin. After spending all day not trying to repeal Obamacare, she lets her young proxies run wild on the streets of our nation’s capital, looting and mugging at will, while she waits in her evil Georgetown lair to collect her share of their ill-gotten gains.
In my own case, the apple does not fall far from the tree, either. My own son is currently toying with the idea of moving permanently to Australia, a country founded by violent felons. You’d think that would make me proud, but the fact is, in Australia, THERE IS NO DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
Where did I go wrong?
Trump, who pioneered this entertainment of broadly insulting people who are not going to vote for you anyway, was mum on this claim, but it was likely based on research by Rush Limbaugh, who announced some months ago that your average school shooter is a Democrat.
Now, the fact of the matter is that most school shooters are minors and unable to affiliate themselves with either major political party, but you have to agree with Rush that probably they are thinking "Gee, I wish I could grow up to vote for a party that supported stronger gun laws, because if I hadn't gotten my hands on this semi-automatic rifle and two thousand rounds of ammo, I wouldn't be getting shot to death by a SWAT team right now."
So that makes them Democrats. Another fact that indicates juvenile mass murderers probably lean Democratic is that Democrats tend to send their kids to public schools and universities, which is where most school shootings occur, because they don’t care if their kids are exposed to the lie of evolution and false global warming theories. So we can also add that Democrats are mostly lousy parents.
And violent criminals make lousy parents. I was inclined to disagree with Ted and Rush at first, but when the facts keep piling up like this, you have to re-examine your own reasoning. It’s true I am a violent criminal. Technically, I’m currently not a Democrat since I’ve so far failed to re-register to vote after changing residences, but when I do, I will no doubt become a Democrat again. So add me to the total of bloody-handed felons who pause from their crimes once every four years to vote the straight Democratic ticket.
My Significant Other is also a Democrat. At least I think she is, although I have never actually seen her voter registration card. And currently she is a professor at a local university, which is legal if somewhat disreputable. However, she often indicates that if the right opportunity opened up in the violent criminal field, she would consider changing careers. I would encourage this, because I believe she has a natural aptitude for felonious behavior.
Likewise, her two daughters show every sign of being sociopaths-in-waiting. One, a recent college graduate, just returned from Africa, where she spent six weeks treating sick, impoverished Africans. This altruistic behavior is no doubt just a ruse. Someday she will use it as evidence she deserves a lighter sentence when she is brought before the bar of justice after she embarks upon a life of crime. That, I suspect, is her secret plan. The other is headed to Washington, DC, next semester, where as part of her undergraduate studies she will serve as an intern in the office of a Democratic Congresswoman. It is well known that this elected official is a modern female Fagin. After spending all day not trying to repeal Obamacare, she lets her young proxies run wild on the streets of our nation’s capital, looting and mugging at will, while she waits in her evil Georgetown lair to collect her share of their ill-gotten gains.
In my own case, the apple does not fall far from the tree, either. My own son is currently toying with the idea of moving permanently to Australia, a country founded by violent felons. You’d think that would make me proud, but the fact is, in Australia, THERE IS NO DEMOCRATIC PARTY.
Where did I go wrong?
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