Jenny needs a tan before she heads to the slam Jenny Cudd, florist, part-time mayoral candidate in Midland, Texas, and prominent Capitol rioter, who boasted on social media about breaking down Nancy Pelosi’s office door while trashing the seat of the legislative branch, leading to her arrest, asked the judge in her case to let her out of custody for an already planned trip to Costa Maya, Mexico. As evidence, she showed the judge a to-do list she had drawn up for the holiday season 2020-2021:
1.Christmas with Beth and the grandkids
2.New Years Eve Proud Boys Party
3.Invade Capitol, attempt to end democracy in the US.
4.Relax and unwind in Costa Maya!
In other words, Give Me Liberty and Let Me Go on Vacation! Not quite as stirring an invocation of patriot principle as Patrick Henry's, but easily understandable. Jenny had already paid for the trip, which made her think she was entitled to exercise her WAP, which, as everybody knows, means White Ass Privilege, to go on it. There’s no better place in Mexico to do that than Costa Maya, which I have been to, and is nothing more than a complete tourist trap solely designed to separate the kind of gringos who won't leave their hotel grounds for fear of being kidnapped, from their dollars.
But it’s better than Midland, which, unfortunately, I have also been to.
The judge responded that committing a crime and then fleeing to Mexico was more of a bank robber thing, suggested Jenny was indulging in the wrong line of lawless behavior, and denied it.
But the Q-Anon Shaman is having better luck after doing the Insurrectionist Rag. Apparently, Shamanism is a religion recognized by the federal government and if his religion requires organic food, which the Shaman says it does, the local hoosegow is required to provide it by federal law, while they are free to feed the rest of the jail population peanut butter sandwiches. So, while the rest of his fellow inmates eat Spam, the Shaman will be munching down on hearty kale, delicate sprouts and free-range pheasant.
Apparently, his religion also requires the Shaman to threaten to kill the Vice-President, so if his haughty diet causes the Shaman to be shivved in the showers, Mike Pence won’t lose any sleep over it.
But Kyle Rittenhouse, teenage accused murderer from Illinois, is having a worse time of it, though probably not a worse time of it than if he was a black teenager who had killed two people and wounded a third. That kid, instead of being let out on bail, would already have been executed by the biggest SWAT team the state could assemble.
Kyle, though, made the mistake of going out drinking with his mom, which, unlike lying about your age to the Internet and watching porn, Kyle’s usual nighttime pastime, is legal in Wisconsin. Not that drinking with Kyle’s mom should be illegal—I think I’ve done it—but it pissed off the DA in Kyle’s case, who wants the baby-faced killer back in jail rather than hoisting PBR’s with his fans.
To which Kyle’s lawyer has responded, “Relax. Couple brewskis is no big thing. Why don’t you have a drink with Kyle’s mom, too?”
1.Christmas with Beth and the grandkids
2.New Years Eve Proud Boys Party
3.Invade Capitol, attempt to end democracy in the US.
4.Relax and unwind in Costa Maya!
In other words, Give Me Liberty and Let Me Go on Vacation! Not quite as stirring an invocation of patriot principle as Patrick Henry's, but easily understandable. Jenny had already paid for the trip, which made her think she was entitled to exercise her WAP, which, as everybody knows, means White Ass Privilege, to go on it. There’s no better place in Mexico to do that than Costa Maya, which I have been to, and is nothing more than a complete tourist trap solely designed to separate the kind of gringos who won't leave their hotel grounds for fear of being kidnapped, from their dollars.
But it’s better than Midland, which, unfortunately, I have also been to.
The judge responded that committing a crime and then fleeing to Mexico was more of a bank robber thing, suggested Jenny was indulging in the wrong line of lawless behavior, and denied it.
But the Q-Anon Shaman is having better luck after doing the Insurrectionist Rag. Apparently, Shamanism is a religion recognized by the federal government and if his religion requires organic food, which the Shaman says it does, the local hoosegow is required to provide it by federal law, while they are free to feed the rest of the jail population peanut butter sandwiches. So, while the rest of his fellow inmates eat Spam, the Shaman will be munching down on hearty kale, delicate sprouts and free-range pheasant.
Apparently, his religion also requires the Shaman to threaten to kill the Vice-President, so if his haughty diet causes the Shaman to be shivved in the showers, Mike Pence won’t lose any sleep over it.
But Kyle Rittenhouse, teenage accused murderer from Illinois, is having a worse time of it, though probably not a worse time of it than if he was a black teenager who had killed two people and wounded a third. That kid, instead of being let out on bail, would already have been executed by the biggest SWAT team the state could assemble.
Kyle, though, made the mistake of going out drinking with his mom, which, unlike lying about your age to the Internet and watching porn, Kyle’s usual nighttime pastime, is legal in Wisconsin. Not that drinking with Kyle’s mom should be illegal—I think I’ve done it—but it pissed off the DA in Kyle’s case, who wants the baby-faced killer back in jail rather than hoisting PBR’s with his fans.
To which Kyle’s lawyer has responded, “Relax. Couple brewskis is no big thing. Why don’t you have a drink with Kyle’s mom, too?”
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