AI Jesus on Twitch People have been talking to Jesus for 20 centuries and counting, but now, thanks to the miracle of artificial intelligence, Jesus will now answer you back. Several AI programs will now let you ask questions of the Lord, and He will answer your prayers.
AI Jesus is no more likely to solve any real problems for you than church Jesus. The program will not be able to give you winning lottery numbers or assist your baseball team in scoring runs in the bottom of the ninth, anymore than praying to Our Savior currently does. It will not raise the dead, cure deadly diseases or turn water into wine coolers. You can buy a loaf of bread and a fish and they will not get multiplied for you, although AI Jesus will give you some paltry excuse as to why he’s gone out of the feeding the multitudes trade.
As you eat your fish sandwich, you may be thinking of other Biblical characters you’d like to text with, and, lo and behold, you can. You can communicate with Moses, if you’re in a burning bush, Ten-Commandmentsy, idol-melting kind of mood. You can ask him why he wandered for forty years in the desert without consulting his digital buddy, GPS Moses.
You can ask Mary what it felt like to be impregnated by Almighty God, although it may be a sin to listen to the answer. You can ask Noah if he ever learned to tread water. You can ask Joshua what it felt like when the walls of Jerico came tumbling down, and did he think God was really doing his bidding when it happened, or did he suspect that the Jericoans just didn’t know how to pour a foundation?
You can talk to Satan, too, although I suspect that AI Satan may not have all the knowledge you really need about Hell, which you are going to now for sure, just for talking to Chatbot Baphomet. AI Satan is not likely to give you any useful info on the place of eternal damnation, like which of your friends are already there, and do they take turns lighting Rush Limbaugh’s hair on fire?
I look at the development of AI Jesus with some regrets, because He is obviously forcing my own personal Jesus, Dollar Store Camouflage Jesus, to eat His dust. Dollar Store Camouflage Jesus just stands in his nine-inch, plastic glory on my bookshelf, not answering any prayers or questions, just inviting worship, like any old school Jesus, soon to be as outmoded as a floppy disc.
In the near future, we will no doubt have entire digital churches, which the faithful can flock to on Sunday, to see a holographic Savior, whose ethnicity and theology may be adjusted by the pastor, on a scale from Humble Jesus the Holy Brown Person to Blonde Jesus with Anger Management Issues, according to the whims of his congregation.
As it is now, to be honest about it. Just with a slightly higher electric bill.
AI Jesus is no more likely to solve any real problems for you than church Jesus. The program will not be able to give you winning lottery numbers or assist your baseball team in scoring runs in the bottom of the ninth, anymore than praying to Our Savior currently does. It will not raise the dead, cure deadly diseases or turn water into wine coolers. You can buy a loaf of bread and a fish and they will not get multiplied for you, although AI Jesus will give you some paltry excuse as to why he’s gone out of the feeding the multitudes trade.
As you eat your fish sandwich, you may be thinking of other Biblical characters you’d like to text with, and, lo and behold, you can. You can communicate with Moses, if you’re in a burning bush, Ten-Commandmentsy, idol-melting kind of mood. You can ask him why he wandered for forty years in the desert without consulting his digital buddy, GPS Moses.
You can ask Mary what it felt like to be impregnated by Almighty God, although it may be a sin to listen to the answer. You can ask Noah if he ever learned to tread water. You can ask Joshua what it felt like when the walls of Jerico came tumbling down, and did he think God was really doing his bidding when it happened, or did he suspect that the Jericoans just didn’t know how to pour a foundation?
You can talk to Satan, too, although I suspect that AI Satan may not have all the knowledge you really need about Hell, which you are going to now for sure, just for talking to Chatbot Baphomet. AI Satan is not likely to give you any useful info on the place of eternal damnation, like which of your friends are already there, and do they take turns lighting Rush Limbaugh’s hair on fire?
I look at the development of AI Jesus with some regrets, because He is obviously forcing my own personal Jesus, Dollar Store Camouflage Jesus, to eat His dust. Dollar Store Camouflage Jesus just stands in his nine-inch, plastic glory on my bookshelf, not answering any prayers or questions, just inviting worship, like any old school Jesus, soon to be as outmoded as a floppy disc.
In the near future, we will no doubt have entire digital churches, which the faithful can flock to on Sunday, to see a holographic Savior, whose ethnicity and theology may be adjusted by the pastor, on a scale from Humble Jesus the Holy Brown Person to Blonde Jesus with Anger Management Issues, according to the whims of his congregation.
As it is now, to be honest about it. Just with a slightly higher electric bill.
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